bikie gang – Woodstock's blog

6. The Da Nang Dunts – Luang Prabang, Laos

Laos, for the first time on their travels, was a new country for all three of our rapscallions. Therefore, no need to keep a keen lookout for three-legged children resembling President Thor.

It’s the small things in life.

Like some previous stops, such as S-21 and Angkor Wat, Luang Prabang is a UNESCO World Heritage site.

Much like the Dunts, suitable words to describe Luang Prabang, are quaint and cute.

As remarkable as this little town is, it is now forever known as the town that stole Sarge’s undies. That’s yet to unfold though.

An old, weathered pickup truck with a black exterior and substantial rust patches, parked beside colorful greenery and flowering plants. — *If the Dunts weren’t a bikie gang and were instead a car-ie gang, they’d drive this*

Luang Prabang also has beer too.

Some of their beers even say enticing things like ‘finest ingredients, limited edition, artists edition’. To be honest, the Dunts don’t need much enticing for beer. But they’re very much not against enticing.

Close-up of a Luang Prabang beer bottle featuring an artist edition label with a vintage illustration of buildings

Three men sitting at a table in a restaurant, enjoying drinks and food. One man is smiling and holding a beer, another man is drinking from a glass, while the third is partially turned away. The setting includes plants and a casual dining atmosphere. — *The Dunts have been known to enjoy a beer or many*

Not all beers had such lovely words, but the Dunts would drink them anyway because they’ve never really been racist against beer. Any beer really.

Not all heroes wear capes, right.

Like previous countries they’d toured, the Dunts appreciated the historic culture.

Things like Buddhist shrines built into natural rock walls where locals would not only stop off randomly to pray, but also leave gifts.

A rocky hillside featuring multiple golden sculptures and shrines, adorned with flowers and offerings. — *A rock wall and man-made shrine complimenting each other in central Luang Prabang*

Admiring man-made shrines is always better after a feed.

I’ll have whatever that is, please…

A menu item featuring Lao cuisine, specifically a traditional dish called 'Or larm' (pork stew) with ingredients like spicy woody vine, lemongrass, mushrooms, eggplant, beans, and spicy vegetables. The price is displayed as 79,000 kip.

A bowl made from a coconut shell containing a savory meat and vegetable dish, garnished with herbs, accompanied by a plate of white rice.

And for dessert, I’ll have that, please…

Washed down with that, please…

A group of three men sitting at a table with drinks in a casual bar setting, with other patrons in the background. — *Luang Prabang does have a significant backpackers, element, and three Dunts*

Three men sitting at a table with dishes and drinks, overlooking a river and mountains in the background. — *Breakfast on the Mekong River included with accommodation*

Of the three Dunts, one really digs zenning, one really digs cats and one really digs his undies not being stolen.

The first full day in Luang Prabang wasn’t about stolen undies or even cuddling cats, for that matter.

It was about zenning at waterfalls.

And cuddling bears.

Twenty-nine kilometres south of Luang Prabang are the stunning Kuang Si Falls.

One can’t miss the bear rescue centre known as Tat Kuang Si, at the very entrance to the falls.

Tat Kuang Si is dedicated to protecting Asia’s black bears, particularly the moon and sun bears.

The Dunts dig that.

Image showing a black bear named Belle, with a split view: the top shows Belle in a cage labeled 'Before', and the bottom shows her relaxed and healthy after rescue, labeled 'After'. — *The Dunts dig all kinds of bears, including beers*

A black bear standing near a wooden structure in a forested area, surrounded by green foliage and dried leaves on the ground. — *The Dunts dig all kinds of bears, including beers*

A person in a black shirt and shorts hugs a life-sized bear statue in front of a painted forest backdrop. — *I love you, man*

A man posing with a life-sized bear sculpture in a forest-themed setting, wearing a black shirt and beige shorts. — *I love you, man*

Three men posing beside bear sculptures in a forest setting, with informational plaques visible. — *Similar to the Dunts not being racist about beers, they also don’t care what colour bears they cuddle*

Unfortunately, there are no photos of President Thor zenning, so the Dunts recommend using your imagination.

Lush green landscape featuring tiered waterfalls cascading into turquoise pools, with people enjoying the natural scenery.

A group of people relaxing on a wooden float in a serene green river, with lush vegetation surrounding them. Some are sitting on the float, while others are swimming in the water.

People enjoying a visit to a scenic waterfall surrounded by lush greenery, with wooden bridges crossing over turquoise waters. — *Difficult to zen here with so many tourists, but as President Thor can attest, it is possible*

Zen zone

After much zenning and bear statue cuddling, our travelling heathens headed back into the big smoke of Luang Prabang, via a couple of picturesque little cafes, including The Bamboo Farm Restaurant.

A decorative bamboo structure shaped like a heart, featuring the sign 'Bamboo Farm,' situated near a lake with mountains in the background. — *With the Mekong River in the background*

And the amazing Full House Cafe in a small village called Ban Thin Som.

When travelling in Southeast Asian heat with minimal luggage, doing the laundry is a must.

Sometimes the Dunts’ wash their own, but sometimes, they splash out and pay to have it done.

Having one’s undies come back crisp, clean, folded and smelling all fresh like lavender or roses, is often one of their small pleasantries.

Now it goes without saying that any bikie gang can smell of body odour, stale sweat, stale beer, old dirt roads, blood, and often even, poos and wees. Believe me when I tell you, the Dunts’ are all over that shit.

But they do consider themselves somewhat civilised bikies and very much enjoy clean undies.

This one time (without a flute) at Luang Prabang, their laundry came back washed.

Sarge was missing a few pairs of undies though. Six to be exact.

He’d also gained a couple of pairs that weren’t his.

Member was happy to become the owner of those that weren’t Sarge’s.

Black men's briefs with a red waistband labeled 'ALPHA' on a white background. — *Group chat, ‘Oi, are any of these gruds yours?’*

Close-up of black underwear with a turquoise 'BONDS' waistband, resting on a light-colored surface. — *Group chat, ‘Oi, are any of these gruds yours?’*

Sarge remains unsure whether the ones Member took off his hands were even his or whether he’s an astute closet undies collector.

Ultimately, Sarge came to the conclusion that there was an undies thief in the town.

Initial enquiries came to no avail.

Undies shops in Luang Prabang are not a dime a dozen, which of course gives good reason as to why someone would steal Sarge’s undies.

With the counterfeit USD$100 scam still fresh in his memory, many things were going through Sarge’s head.

Things like whether the undie thief stole his undies before or after they were washed, whether they had already fled the country, possibly even on a fake passport?

Sarge doesn’t think stealing someone’s undies is very cool at all.

In fact, Sarge thinks it sucks shit.

After much angst, he came to the conclusion that he did not have the time, nor the effort, to hunt a real life undie thief in Luang Prabang, Laos.

He could always ask his fellow gang members to share their undies with him, because that’s what brotherhoods do.

Knowing his brothers like he does though, Sarge did not ask them. He’s pretty confident they’d share their undies with him, but only their dirty ones.

He was gunna have to survive the rest of the trip on rationed undies.

If that meant wearing them inside out and backwards over many days, then so be it.

“Yeah, watch this, Undie Thief! The joke’s on you, man, ’cause I’m into that shit!”

Three men making funny faces while sitting at a bar, one holding a beer bottle.

The following days’ venture saw them wolf-packing away to the famous Pak Ou Caves, home to Tham Ting and Tham Phum.

A decent motorcycle ride was well worth the experience for a few reasons including the fact it’s a centuries-old, highly revered Buddhist pilgrimage site, with over 4000 miniature Buddha statues left by worshippers, including royalty.

Two men taking a selfie on a motorcycle in a street setting, with a shop in the background and a child walking nearby. — *(kinda) pilgrimaging*

But first they must get there.

Getting there can sometimes include stopping off for hops intake.

Hops intaking can, on occasion, be at random dusty little bar-type places that the Dunts still aren’t sure whether they’re actual bars, or if the locals just felt sorry for the visiting dehydrated giant gang members and provided them with beer out of sympathy.

Why the term ‘giants’ you may ask… well, in this particular rough as guts, desert-like place, it’s a bonus to be a midget when grabbing a beer, because there’s far less chance your head will be decapitated.

So as not to become inebriated and ultimately lose one’s head, may be why they were only served Coke instead of beer.

A man posing with a backpack, wearing sunglasses and a black t-shirt, is playfully stepping outside through a natural pathway surrounded by greenery and colorful flowers. — *Any giant humans would not want to walk into this place drunk on a dark night*

A person walking along a pathway surrounded by greenery and flowers, wearing a black t-shirt, shorts, and a backpack. — *Any giant humans would not want to walk into this place drunk on a dark night*

An old, rustic building with a corrugated metal roof surrounded by greenery and plants, featuring a dirt pathway leading to the entrance. — *An oasis*

A rustic outdoor market stall with a wooden structure, featuring a display of goods including beverages and snacks. A person is standing behind the counter, while tables and chairs are set up for visitors. The area is surrounded by greenery and has a dirt floor. — *An oasis*

Decapitation isn’t the only hazard the Dunts experienced that day.

There was also wildlife, and not so wild-life.

A person riding an elephant on a road, while another person on a scooter holds a phone, capturing the scene. Lush greenery is visible in the background. — *The Dunts dig elephants but unfortunately, their mode of transport was horsepower and not elephantpower*

A person riding a scooter on a rural road, with an elephant and its rider visible in the background. — *The Dunts dig elephants but unfortunately, their mode of transport was horsepower and not elephantpower*

A person wearing a blue shirt and helmet rides a scooter on a dirt road, where several cows are grazing and wandering nearby. — *President Thor and Member, although tempted, did not stop to milk cows or eat the still attached steaks, and instead weaved right through these road hazards*

Between random bars and animal hazards, it’s always refreshing to pull off to the side of the road and perform gang signs. You know, like dogs leaving their scent.

Three men wearing helmets making playful gestures while on motorcycles with a scenic river and mountains in the background.

With only a river between them and the Pak Ou Caves, time for a beer, a feed and then one of the Dunts’ favourite pastimes, checking out jars.

Two glass bottles containing snakes submerged in yellow liquid, displayed on a patterned fabric background. — *Going off the cork, one would assume these are quality products*

A glass bottle containing a mixture of preserved animals, including a snake and a scorpion, submerged in a golden liquid, placed on a patterned textile surface.

A glass bottle filled with a yellowish liquid containing dark, spiraled objects that resemble snakes or snake-like elements, alongside some wooden sticks, set on a patterned fabric background.

A variety of bottles containing different colored liquids, including several with snakes and other creatures, arranged on a patterned fabric. The display includes labels indicating the contents. — *Not wanting to risk leaving faeces in their undies or vomiting on Buddhist temples, the Dunts didn’t purchase any snake venom*

A man sitting at a table with a bottle of beer, overlooking a sandy beach and mountains in the background. — *The Pak Ou Caves across the river*

A close-up view of a plate of stir-fried noodles with vegetables, including carrots and green peppers, garnished with lime slices and sprinkled with red pepper flakes. — *The Pak Ou Caves across the river*

A scenic view of a riverbank with a small village nestled at the foot of a large, rocky mountain under a clear blue sky. — *Looking back towards the ‘snake jar, beer and feed’ town*

And then there was the temple.

And it’s toilet…

An old outdoor restroom building featuring three worn wooden doors, with a partially covered thatched roof and dry leaves on top.

An indoor bathroom with a dirty tiled floor, featuring a squat toilet and a water basin sitting next to a shallow pool of water. — *Quite a nice toilet, actually*

As their time in the undies stealing town of Luang Prabang came to an end, our three not-so-wise men had one final night to live it up.

They lived it up by having a feed and eating ice cream.

And scoring cool hand-made in front of you souvenirs.

A group of three men sitting at a wooden table under a covered structure near a lake, with mountains and greenery in the background. — *Thank you, Luang Prabang, you were great… except for the undies-stealing part*

With their final stop of the 2024 Da Nang Dunts tour being Vietnam, they said Laa kon to Laos and Xin chào to Hanoi.

3. The Da Nang Dunts (2024) – Vietnam stop over

It is now 2024, and a full year has passed since the Dunts, inaugural tour.

All three gang members found themselves not only still very much alive, but chomping at the bit for more.

They knew they’d be drinking quite a lot of beer on their next trip, so like the battle-hardened preppers they are, they drank quite a lot of beer throughout the year-long planning stage.

A man wearing a colorful, tall hat with stripes and a playful design, standing outdoors with greenery in the background. — *Prepping and planning*

A man wearing a colorful party hat stands outdoors, holding a stick in one hand and a can in the other. He is dressed in a tank top and shorts with paint splatters, with grass and trees in the background. — *Prepping and planning*

Believing they were now way wiser, far fitter and heaps healthier, our three rapscallions departed Australian shores, way worse, far fatter and heaps heavier, this time taking on Cambodia, Laos and Northern Vietnam.

But first though, the Dunts had to return briefly to Vung Tau, Vietnam.

To this day, Member and Sarge still aren’t sure why their president took them back to Vung Tau, although they do have a lingering suspicion.

A group of five people enjoying drinks in a vibrant bar setting with colorful lighting and decorative walls, smiling and posing for a selfie. — *Possibly President Thor’s reason for returning was in the hope of signing a recording contract*

It may have had something to do with President Thor checking if any Vietnamese ladies were carrying three-month-old babies on their hips, possibly with an Everton FC birthmark.

As far as Sarge and Member are aware, no three-legged babies were identified that resembled Thor.

A positive to returning somewhere you’ve already been, is that you know the lay of the land a little better. Things like, where to find a decent but cheap hotel with a good makeup mirror, massages, primo food, cold beers and, of course, good vibes.

A negative to returning somewhere you’ve already been, would be realising one now has to pay child custody support.

No such negatives were identified during this visit.

There are so many delights in Vietnam. Some of their women are absolutely stunning, for one. But it offers so much more than that: the nature, culture, food, and of course, the people in general.

Two cups of iced coffee with cream on top, placed on a wooden table, with a person in the background enjoying the view at sunset. — The Dunts already loved Vietnamese coffees, and re-indulged many times, especially with Vietnamese iced coffee, ‘cà phê sữa đá’. They are phenomenal! Also phenomenal are their mix of teas, which are mega flavoursome!

A man wearing a blue helmet rides a scooter with a small black and white dog perched on his back, both visible on a city street. — *A bikie mutt*

A person is grilling a round rice paper topped with vegetables and meats on a charcoal grill, using tongs to manage the cooking process. — *The Dunts’ fresh food experiences were also great.*

Sign advertising street food items: 'Bánh Tráng Nướng' which is grilled rice paper, and 'Bắp Xào' which is stir-fried corn, with illustrations of each dish. — *The Dunts’ fresh food experiences were also great.*

The Dunts love Southern Vietnam, but for this chapter, Cambodia, Laos and Northern Vietnam were calling loudly, and Vietnam was the stepping stone to get there. A nice stone they’d willingly step on any time.

As a pack, the Da Nang Dunts changed undies and countries…

5. The Da Nang Dunts – Siem Reap, Cambodia

With both Pub Street and Angkor Wat calling, our three wandering rascals survived the six-hour taxi ride to Siem Reap. Two thirds of the gang enjoyed those six hours more than the other third.

But arrive they did, and it’s always a pleasant surprise to find that your previously booked hotel is actually surprisingly nice.

A luxurious bedroom featuring a large bed with decorative pillows, a wooden bench, and elegant bedding accented with gold. To the right, there is a seating area with two chairs and a wooden table, along with a modern bathroom visible in the background. — *One of the better hotels had along the way at one of the lesser prices*

Aerial view of a hotel courtyard featuring a swimming pool with dolphin designs, surrounded by lounge chairs, tropical plants, and a patio area with tables under palm-like structures. — *One of the better hotels had along the way at one of the lesser prices*

Being hung over can be thirsty work, but these boys are cunning and sniffed out hydrating stops with ease. Thirsts were quenched.

Three men posing for a selfie at night on Pub Street, showcasing vibrant neon lights and a bustling street scene in the background. — *Unsure what sort of businesses were on Pub Street, the gang went to check*

(Not so) bright and early the following day, the Da Nang Dunts hit the road to where Angelina Jolie filmed Lara Croft: Tomb Raider at Angkor Wat 25 years earlier.

A person wearing a helmet is sitting on a motorcycle, checking their phone, dressed in a blue shirt and patterned pants, on a street with various buildings and vehicles in the background. — *The Dunts’ fearless leader, President Thor*

Mirroring ‘The Black Widows’ in Clint Eastwood’s Every Which Way, But Loose, film, the Dunts hit the road and, remarkably, even found their way there.

But first, they took a pit stop.

A man wearing a blue helmet and sunglasses sitting outdoors, sipping from a coconut through a straw, with colorful umbrellas in the background. — *Not even one hop was used in this rehydration stop*

A freshly opened green coconut with soft white flesh exposed and liquid inside, placed on a pink table. — *Not even one hop was used in this rehydration stop*

And then there was Angkor Wat.

At US$62 for a three-day pass to the Angkor Archaeological Park, it’s not overly expensive, but considering the Dunts could’ve purchased 31 cocktails each, at happy hour, for the same price, splashing out that much was not a decision made lightly.

An interior view of an ancient stone structure featuring a long hallway with multiple doorways, stone benches, and a prominent statue of a figure on the right. — *Built in the 12th century, Angkor Wat’s legacy is comparable to that of The Da Nang Dunts*

Ruins of ancient temple complex with stone structures, stairs, and detailed carvings under a clear blue sky. — *Built in the 12th century, Angkor Wat’s legacy is comparable to that of The Da Nang Dunts*

Four young girls dressed in traditional attire are gathered in an ancient temple setting, with two girls sitting on steps, one girl adjusting her clothing, and two girls standing closely together, one looking at a phone. — *Local young girls there for their own photo shoot*

Two men standing side by side with their hands on their hearts, wearing gray t-shirts, in front of a textured wall. — *Part of a weird sound test, not the Da Nang Dunts National Anthem*

Two men standing side by side against a stone wall; one wearing sunglasses and a blue shirt with patterned pants, and the other wearing a beige shirt and dark pants, both with hands over their hearts. — *Part of a weird sound test, not the Da Nang Dunts National Anthem*

Three men sitting on a stone wall by a body of water, with ancient temple structures visible in the background.

Three men standing on a pathway in front of Angkor Wat, with palm trees and temple structures visible in the background.

Three men posing for a selfie with ancient temple ruins in the background, greenery visible in the distance. — *One of The Da Nang Dunts’ promotionals posters*

A vibrant sunset over a temple complex, featuring intricate architecture with tall spires, surrounded by lush greenery and a reflective body of water in the foreground. — *A local artist’s painting, remaining to this day, rolled up somewhere* *unknown*

Close-up of a soda can with a tab and condensation on the surface. — *Old school beer can tab*

Whatever day of the year it was, it just so happened to be one of the 365 days of the year that Pub Street was open.

It would’ve been rude of the Dunts not to return and support the Cambodian economy.

The Dunts don’t like being rude so they supported the Cambodian economy very, very, very well.

But first, one must prepare with food, pool beers and pulling faces.

Plate of bruschetta topped with diced tomatoes and fresh basil, featuring toasted bread slices. — *Pub Street preparations in full swing*

A plate of rice topped with a fried egg and a serving of stir-fried chicken with basil, green onions, and chili peppers. — *Pub Street preparations in full swing*

At $2 a cocktail, the Dunts had never felt richer.

Rather than try a drink, the Dunts tried all of them and still came away with cash in their pockets.

The Dunts love Pub Street!

Three men posing for a selfie at a rooftop location with a vibrant cityscape in the background, featuring colorful lights and busy streets.

Two men smiling while sitting at a table with colorful cocktails in a lively bar setting, decorated with lights and greenery.

A vibrant cocktail served in a glass with ice, garnished with a slice of lime and a green straw, resting on a textured surface.

On Pub Street, one can enjoy a drink at an outside bar, while people-watching and having a fish pedicure. That’s Doctor Fish (Garra Rufa) eating away the dead skin.

The Dunts dig all that stuff but they did not want to be responsible for the fish dying, so went to bars without the fish-eating-feet experience.

It may have been around this time, or maybe a little later, that the Dunts came to the conclusion that late at night in Siem Reap, weird things can happen.

Three men smiling and posing for a selfie at night, with colorful lights and a bustling scene in the background. — *Sometimes late at night, Thor has itchy nipples*

A man standing next to a colorful rooster statue, wearing a grey shirt and patterned pants, with flip-flops on a tiled floor. — *Sometimes late at night, Member finds random cocks to play with*

A man holding a microphone while sitting in a colorful, lively setting with decorative items and a backdrop featuring artwork. — *Sometimes late at night, Member* *impersonates strangled cats*

Two men in a colorful bar setting, one sitting and looking serious while the other playfully leans in behind him, holding a drink. — *Sometimes late at night, Member gives Sarge sexy looks while Thor licks his lips and cuddles Member*

A man kneeling on one knee is proposing to a woman in a casual setting, with a joyful expression on her face. The background features soft lighting and colorful decorations. — *Sometimes late at night, Member is an environmentalist and recycles beer can tabs*

A close-up of a person’s hand receiving a ring from another person, with jewelry and a brightly lit background. — *Sometimes late at night, Member is an environmentalist and recycles beer can tabs*

And possibly… very probably, in fact, the weirdest thing that happened late that night in Siem Reap, was on the way home.

The Dunts stopped off for one last beer at a pop-up trolley bar, somewhere unknown.

A free, very weird, live sex show thing unfolded before the Dunts’ now blurry eyes.

The Dunts didn’t want anything to do with this exhibition.

They even felt embarrassed just being there.

So they took some photos.

Because seriously, who on earth wears a sun hat at night?

A smiling man in a casual shirt sits in a dimly lit setting, with colorful lighting. In the background, two women are seated, one wearing a floral outfit and another in a large hat. — *Sometimes late at night, superhero outfits are different*

A group of five people socializing at a bar in a lively setting with colorful lighting. One person is taking a selfie, while others are seated at a table with drinks. — *Sometimes late at night, superhero outfits are different*

With hard-core motorbikes hired and more famous ruins yet to be experienced, our night-dwellers, the ones with penises but without sunhats, became day-dwellers venturing out to the ancient stone temples once again.

Doing their Easy Rider thing, the Dunts putted throughout the Angkor Archaeological Park, taking in…

Ta Prohm…

A large tree with thick, gnarled roots enveloping an ancient stone structure, surrounded by foliage and a wooden pathway.

A group of tourists gathered in front of ancient temple ruins overtaken by large tree roots in a lush green environment.

Bayon Temple…

Ancient temple ruins surrounded by lush trees and palm trees, with a misty sky in the background.

Three men wearing helmets pose for a selfie while on scooters, with ancient temple ruins visible in the background surrounded by trees.

Preah Khan Temple…

A person wearing a maroon cap is taking a selfie inside a stone structure, holding a hand in a gesture above their head. The background shows other visitors and stone walls.

View through a stone archway leading to a temple tower, featuring intricate carvings and a pathway of weathered stone slabs.

A man posing inside a historical temple, holding his hand up as if supporting a glowing light above a stone structure. The temple features ancient stone walls and several tourists in the background.

And, amongst others, the South Gate of Angkor Thom

Historic stone gate with faces carved into it, surrounded by trees, with a motorcycle passing through. — *Very cool*

An adult man wearing a gray t-shirt and patterned pants walks alongside a young boy dressed in a black jacket and bright shorts, engaged in conversation on a sandy path surrounded by trees. — *Can I have your autograph please, President Thor?*

Some before and afters…

A woman wearing a colorful shirt sits on a red chair, working on the carcass of a pig laid out on a metal frame. Pliers are positioned on the pig, and there are various tools and items visible in the background. — *Before*

A whole roasted pig hanging on a grill, with various cuts of meat and sausages displayed on the grate below. — *Before*

Another…

A spotted black and white chicken standing on dirt near discarded plastic bottles and debris. — *Before*

A row of whole chickens being roasted on a spit over an open flame, with a shiny, golden-brown skin. — *After*

And yet another before and after…

A menu displaying spa package options with details on duration and pricing for various treatments including body scrubs, massages, facials, and aromatherapy. — *Before*

A person receiving a massage on a table, smiling, while another person, dressed in shorts, provides the massage in a dimly lit room. — *After*

With one final night in Siem Reap, the three scallywags did what they do best, eating…

A person holding a fried frog leg, with a plate of garnished fried frog legs in the background. — *The Dunts love Cambodian food*

A bowl of rich and aromatic soup with yellow broth, featuring sliced vegetables and herbs on top. — *The Dunts love Cambodian food*

And, drinking…

A menu displaying a selection of signature cocktails with names, ingredients, and prices, including items like Passion Eclipse, Rosselle Vintage, Sparkle, Spicy Cuke, Rice Paradise, and 43 Smash. — *The Dunts also love Cambodian cocktails, even if they did have to splash out $5, sometimes even $6*

Close-up of a cocktail glass containing a yellow drink, garnished with a red chili pepper and fresh herbs, set on a wooden surface. — *The Dunts also love Cambodian cocktails, even if they did have to splash out $5, sometimes even $6*

A close-up of a wrapped sugar packet with the text 'Ultimate Sugar' and an expiration code 'EXP040270' printed on it, placed on a woven surface. — *1970 may be an expiry date for some Cambodian sugar, but for others, its President Thor’s birth year, so is therefore, wonderful*

Cambodia was great, but it’s not natural to hold bikie gangs like the Da Nang Dunts down for long.

So they did the Rolling Stone thing and found a plane to take them north to a neighbouring Laos.

An airplane is parked at an airport gate during twilight, with ground crew loading baggage onto the aircraft. Mountains are visible in the background. — *Farewell Cambodia*

So it’s Lea heuy to Cambodia and Sabaidee to Laos.

2. The Da Nang Dunts, Vietnam (southern)

Touch down, Ho Chi Minh (Saigon), some 1611km away.

Fresh faced, feeling young and vibrant, but actually raggedy old, broken and probably hung over, our three heathens’ arrival in Vietnam saw them embark on the second leg of their inaugural Da Nang Dunts tour.

Vietnam, such a remarkable country with an amazing history that two of the three scallywags were yet to learn. Thousands of years of ancient history dating back far beyond, the Vietnam War, that the Vietnamese understandably call ‘The American War’.

The plan for the remainder of The Established Tour, 2023, was rough as guts. Start in Saigon and return home alive after a couple of weeks.

Like savage wolves of the wilderness, they prowled the lands seeking food, shelter and comfort, surviving by natural instincts alone.

Not too dissimilar to a David Attenborough documentary of the African plains where the primal drive of wild animals draws all to watering holes in a drought, the innate instincts of the Da Nang Dunts found they were never really very thirsty. They appeared to have a remarkable natural ability to find their very own modern day watering holes of bars and cafes.

Although hungry on occasion, the Dunts unanimously decided to avoid this fisherman’s catch.

Over the next couple of weeks, President Thor took his wolf pack to some of his old haunts. Whenever they entered a new village, or even a bar, Sarge and Member would scan the faces of wide-eyed young children for any resemblance of their president. They also listened intently in case any had such names such as ‘Lil Thor, Thorette, Tack Hammer, Mallet’, or had deformities like three legs.

‘Do any of you recognise that man we call Thor?’

Some things, like irons, toilets, ice creams and street food seatings are very small in Vietnam. Not that the boys did much ironing on tour, but eating on the streets and urinating, they did heaps of. The street food was on the streets, the urinating was not.

If so inclined, a great little tip when travelling overseas is to hook up with locals. One then gets inside local knowledge, a translator if needed, cultural advice and so many other little perks. The key is to find someone you not only trust but whose company is pleasant.

President Thor enquiring about buying the bar

President Thor’s previous incursions into Vietnam had given both him and his gang somewhat of an insight. However, as much as he had propped up Vietnam’s economy over the years, he was just too wrinkly, weathered and Thor-ish, to be considered a genuine local. Genuine Vietnamese tend not to be sucked into Aussie bars full of crusty old expat men. Thor did.

On many an occasion, the other two gang members felt they’d somehow warped back into some Aussie outback bars. The usual dress code was a singlet and shorts (undies optional). Typically, there was usually an old white smoking male giving husbandry life a third or fourth attempt, whilst contributing to three generations of children from one set of swinging loins. Both Sarge and Member were not initially convinced they were being shown the ‘real Vietnam’.

Coffee and specialised teas in Vietnam are seriously next level awesome

Without doubt, two of the main must-see tourist ventures in Saigon are the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum. There are undoubtedly other places, but it was these two tourist ventures that the Da Nang Dunts experienced. The locals, by the way, tend to use both Saigon and Ho Chi Minh in conversation.

Going into both the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum with open minds, changed both Sarge and Member’s understanding of that part of history.

The Cu Chi Tunnels are but one of many throughout Vietnam. To comprehend what actually went on during that time of war, leaves one in genuine awe. Imagine traipsing through jungles without knowing your enemy was directly below you, amongst kilometres of tunnels with small vent and escape holes. It really was a remarkable time in history.

As for the War Remnants Museum, well that proved to be such an eye opener. In modern history, it’s the Vietnam War they’re mostly known for. However, the history of the country dates back thousands of years, during which time they were ruled by various empires including the Chinese for around 1000 years.

Should you ever visit Saigon, the Da Nang Dunts recommend these two experiences.

No bikes yet so mode of transport was by boat down to Vung Tau where a whole new set of adventures and learnings awaited the Da Nang Dunts. Learnings like, how to tell if a suspected woman is an actual woman, and not a transvestite. A rather important lesson in various parts of South East Asia.

Belly’s Watering Hole is an expat bar owned by an old Kiwi dude who calls Vung Tau, Vietnam, home. Although some wise tips like ‘the old bendy elbow trick’ are provided free over morning vodka, a tour of The Battle of Long Tan does cost. It is however, nice to know the funds are a donation that goes towards local children/orphanage. A note of respect for the Vietnamese Government that allows these events to continue.

It was whilst in Vung Tau that the Da Nang Dunts became a fully fledged bikie gang.

Trying to make a quick buck

Upon sourcing their very own very powerful hog (variants), with thunderous pipes drowning the cries of trauma from the public, whilst the suffocating heat was filled with anarchy of gasoline fumes punching through the humid air, the gang let the horses run free and leaned back in pure ecstasy as they lived as one with the vibrations of the heavy metal throbbing between their legs… until their piles ruptured.

With their nifty fifties beneath them, these boys were never to look through the same set of eyes ever again.

Vietnam is not all historical war history, far from it in fact. Although, they do have some quite cool museums, like this one the Dunts came across.

Seriously, you don’t wanna mess with these dudes, camel toe or not.

With the gang name being the Da Nang Dunts, one would assume the Dunts actually went to Da Nang, right? Of course they did.

Da Nang was a highlight, not only because of naming rights, but because, yeah alright, because of the gang name. But also the Dunts managed to vroom vroom here and vroom vroom there and found such stunning places such as Hoi An and surrounds.

Would you believe they do gang patch fittings in Hoi An? Don’t.

The historical scars left on this stunning country through all it’s twists and turns has ultimately played it’s part in making modern day Vietnam what it is today. Such an absolutely fascinating country. So much so that the Dunts made a point of returning to a year later.

Does the country appear at all divided, possibly by north or south or different religions? Definitely not!

Are they proud, friendly and welcoming people? Definitely.

Vietnam, The Da Nang Dunts tip their hats to you. You were awesome!

Subscribe to follow the adventures of this ruthless band of wandering heathens as they return to South East Asia.

Laughter is contagious

1. The Da Nang Dunts, est. 2023

The seeds were already planted but it took a conversation in a hallway for them to sprout into fruition.

“Hey bro, me and Ivan are going to the Philippines and Vietnam, soon.”

“Oh man, that’s’ cool as. Can I come too… please?”

“Um, yeah, ok, I guess.”

“Cool, cos now there’s three people, we’re actually pretty much a gang, ya know. I’m the new dude, so I’ll be the member, cos every gang’s gotta have at least one member. And, that’s actually gunna be my gang name too, Member. Yep, call me Member from now on bro, ok! One of you will be president and the other, sergeant at arms. Just need to come up with a cool gang name and patch. I’ll design a patch, man. It’s as good a task as any for a new member. We’ll hire scooters in Asia and cruise the streets and then we’ll pretty much be a bikie gang.”

“Yeah righto, Member.”

And with that conversation the German Nation began… Argh, bloody auto correct!

And with that conversation, the germination began. The previously mentioned seeds, of what was to become the ‘Da Nang Dunts’ took root and started to grow. More about that down the track.

The Da Nang Dunts patch, designed in full by Member

Three middle aged dudes, all of whom had previously worked together on Straddie. Some would argue, sometimes they even carried on like cops, whilst others may swear they’ve witnessed them share a beer or two over the years.

One was practically mental (or at least that way inclined… nah, actually, he was already full mental).

One had lost his wife a year earlier and was arguable equally as mental. He’d actually been known as The Mentalist on more than one occasion.

And the other dude was actually a really brainy sensible fella who’d lost his father a month before flying out.

What could go wrong, right? Well, at least they had a brainy dude amongst them.

It all started way back though, when, as an act of mate-ship, the mental dude offered to travel with the widowed dude, following the widowed dude becoming a widow.

If you’re confused by previous sentence, imagine how the author feels.

Anywhere in the world was open for consideration, but with the mental dude having spent a substantial amount of time in South East Asia, this was the obvious ideal destination. The mental dude is also somewhat of a war nut and any travel involving him is based around war history. Plenty of history all throughout that region, but Vietnam became the ultimate main destination. A stopover was also included in Manila, Philippines, so in essence, experiencing two countries.

Due to already gained knowledge (not wisdom, nup, definitely not wisdom) and previous experiences in the area, it really was a no brainer to name the mental dude as the President and therefore, by default the widowed dude as the Sergeant at Arms.

For clarification purposes later on, the president was also gifted another name: Thor. Without going into too many details about why, let’s just say it involved a massive hammer, of sorts.

The widowed dude inherited Sarge.

Member was only ever Member because, as per his hallway conversation, every gang’s gotta have a member… plus he chose it.

To become a member in a gang though, especially this particularly cool gang, one is not simply gifted a cool name like Member and a subsequent gang membership, by right. No way! No matter how bad one yearns for it, one must earn it, and my word, did Member earn his name or what! Just wow! That’s later though.

So, back in March 2023, one mental president known as Thor, one sarge who’s not actually a real sarge and one member called Member got on a plane and flew to Manila.

It is this part of the story where the seedlings start to really come alive. Building, strengthening, growing.

Airside = beerside, Brisbane International Airport looking fresh faced and excited

They had a really good time, didn’t get up to any mischief at all and flew home afterwards. The end.

As if you, the reader, would let the author get away with such an ending. So with that in mind…

The Manila leg turned out to be a great little stopover. The ideal intro into the ‘thug life’, that this newly formed gang of ruthless hooligans were learning to live by.

For example, to help save the environment, 7-Eleven customers in Manila are invited to bring their own shopping bag… but only on Wednesdays. One would be foolish to take their own bag, Thursdays through Tuesdays. But not the Da Nang Dunts though. Well, not the Da Nang Dunts, if they actually had their own bags, but if they did, they would’ve taken them every single day of the week. Hard core, aye.

The Filipinos are known to be very polite, friendly people and this really did prove to be the case.

Keeping in mind that Manila is a large city though, and as with most large cities, there’s also a lot of poverty and subsequent homeless living on the streets. The warnings about pick pocketing are for good reason, including young children working the trade exceptionally well. Be wary of this, especially at night, should you ever visit.

One of Sarge’s favourite memories was a group of young street-kids playing soccer with a shoe as their ball. On a busy downtown street corner, their pure joy was beautiful to see. Anyone would’ve thought they were playing with a real ball on the hallowed turf of Goodison Park. Any readers who don’t know Goodison Park, no dramas, because the author didn’t know either. Thor does though.

A common trait in Manila is placing wet tissues over freshly opened beers

Thor loves taking his mates to Aussie pubs, probably for rego checks actually

Thor looking exceptionally worried that Member isn’t trying to kiss him too

The gang contributed substantially to the Philippines gross national income in this bar with Jager alone

Sometimes eating street food is a great experience.

Hungry work being a ruffian, so BBQ street food is crucial

Sometimes eating street food is not a great experience.

In Manila, it is also not recommended to get a massage at the same place Member went. That is, of course, unless you’re trying to blend your back into your faded red t-shirt.

Bikie gangs always check out other dude’s bikes, especially when those bikes come with heaps of beer. Although the Da Nang Dunts were technically not yet a bikie gang, because they didn’t actually have any motorcycles, being the rebels they were, they didn’t even care.

Bikie gangs (in the making) also enjoy taking photos of uniquely cut hotel curtains too.

The Da Nang Dunts spent a total of three days in Manila, and they loved it. Should they ever return to the Philippines, they would however choose another destination.

Well, that’s it for now folks. Be sure to subscribe so as not to miss these scoundrels in their next stop, Vietnam.

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