For the third time, our three rogues found themselves on Vietnamese turf, this time in northern Vietnam, Hanoi, to be exact.
Having all grown up on American Vietnamese war movies, including Thor’s favourites, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, Deer Hunter and Danger Close: The Battle of Long Tan, Sarge’s favourite, Tropic Thunder, and Member’s favourite Cat Shit One, the Dunts were curious as to whether there were any issues between northern and southern Vietnamese.
There aren’t.
They are indeed, one people, one nation, and their food and beer are lovely in every directional point of the country, be it north, south, east, west or somewhere in the middle.
Something some western countries could take note of.
Before the Dunts could work all this out though, they had to find their way to their accommodation. After a rainy day taxi ride into chaos, they…
Found an alley between a backpackers and a craft shop, headed through a sometimes locked iron gate, down the narrow alley, triggering apartment dogs to bark each time, around motorcycles, construction materials, careful to avoid the so far uncooked crazy sprinting cat, to then come to the end of the alley where a man sometimes cooked for a restaurant.
Then turned right and immediately right again to make their way up some always slippery wet steps, before again turning right and headed to the very end of another narrow alley.
Once there, they yet again turned right, then took their first left turn where they climbed up some ladder-like stairs so as to access their accommodation.
They then laid down on their very comfy beds trying to remember the intrepid travel route should they ever need to exit.
Member had never had a haircut in Vietnam before, so why not.
Now, just because a bikie gang rides bikes, it doesn’t mean that’s their only mode of transport. The Dunts took a bus.
Then went to find a train at, you guessed it, Train Street. Tran Phú / Phùng Hưng in Hanoi’s Old Quarter, to be precise.
Having not eaten for a while, why not eat.
And all three Dunts do love a Long Phuc. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a long one. Being very accommodating, they don’t even mind if the words are around the wrong way.
It’s always wise to keep a good lookout for a street of button shops, for one never knows when they might need several thousand buttons.
Then guess what happened after Train Street, street food and the street with untold button shops. Beer Street happened. Beer Street is also known as Ta Hiện Street and believe it or not, they have beer there.
One does not simply become a king of Beer Street by not repeatedly attending Beer Street and drinking lots of beer.
Over the next few days, the Dunts became the kings of Beer Street.
Also wanting to share the love and their money outside Beer Street, the Dunts stepped up to the mark and drank beer in many other places throughout Hanoi. They’re good like that.
The thing with Beer Street is that it closes at midnight.
The other thing with Beer Street is that at 2359hrs everyone goes inside the bars, the doors close and the police send a vehicle down the street with its lights flashing.
The other other thing with Beer Street is that at 0001hrs the doors open and everyone comes out and continues drinking beer on the street.
Unless of course, you’re one of the Da Nang Dunts who, by night two, had made it to elite level.
The Dunts were privileged enough to be allowed to remain at their seats during the entire shutting down and opening process.
See, I told you they became the kings of Beer Street.
When drinking beer, sometimes Dunts get hungry and if you’ve ever wondered who makes the best Bahn Mi, well it’s the Vietnamese of course. Simple, yet amazingly yum.
When food plays such a defining part in gang tours, it’s difficult not to include evidence.
Sometimes after feeding, gang members feel like a cigarette. Sometimes, they don’t even smoke it but the Dunts never let such fine details interfere with anything, especially Member.
Any man with a brain would not mess with Member when he goes next level and becomes Dart Member.
Being that the Dunts were in Hanoi, it only made sense that they visit another war museum, this one being the Vietnam Military History Museum, with the UNESCO World Heritage-listed Hanoi Flag Tower inside.
It took a visit to KFC in Hanoi for Sarge to realise that although President Thor is only little, one should not go to the toilet when Thor needs to defecate… even if one needs to defecate really badly.
Rather than witness Thor’s faeces splatter, squirt, ooze, dribble and ultimately stink, Sarge did what all good Sergeants at Arms would do should their president…
Sprint up the one lane stairs whilst physically holding his ass closed, then reenacting Jonah Lomu running over Mike Catt in the 1995 Rugby World Cup by steamrolling Sarge and Speedy Gonzales-ing into the oner person toilet.
Mike Catt almost shit himself that day in ’95.
Sarge came a lot closer to shitting himself.
Thor may have actually shit himself.
Member was normal and no shit was involved.
By the sweaty, pale, sickly look on Thor’s face, it was probably best for all of Hanoi that he beat Sarge to the bog.
Well, we think he made it in time, although that’s still up for debate.
It was around this time though that Sarge came to regret not replacing his stolen undies.
Sarge needed a beer after reliving that moment so…
Enter, The Slug!
This next piece of literature can only be appreciated with video evidence but there is something to be said for a certain member of the gang taking it upon himself to change two very sour faced angry looking bar girls into sweet faced happy looking bar girls.
Member does have some funky moves at the best of times, but he has one particular dance move that without doubt, takes the trophy.
It’s called, The Slug.
Not, The Worm, The Slug.
If he could patent it, copyright it or somehow take ownership of it, he should.
It is seriously, a thing of absolute beauty intertwined with the finest art, and it’s fair to say, there is nothing else like it.
Introducing, The Slug!
But not everything is about beer when the Dunts tour. They also quite like other Vietnamese exquisite drinks like their coffees and teas.
As much as the Dunts loved Hanoi, it was unfortunately, time to head home, but not before a sneaky little couple of days in Saigon.
Hotel photos of course.
Finally, if one ever feels sad leaving Vietnam, one must remind themselves they aren’t Member who ordered coffee instead of beer. Beer time, not coffee time, Member. A trick for young players, maybe.
And therein lies the end of yet, another phenomenal tour by the Da Nang Dunts.
As their 2024 trip finished, planning for 2025 was already underway.
