It is now 2024, and a full year has passed since the Dunts, inaugural tour.
All three gang members found themselves not only still very much alive, but chomping at the bit for more.
They knew they’d be drinking quite a lot of beer on their next trip, so like the battle-hardened preppers they are, they drank quite a lot of beer throughout the year-long planning stage.
Prepping and planning
Believing they were now way wiser, far fitter and heaps healthier, our three rapscallions departed Australian shores, way worse, far fatter and heaps heavier, this time taking on Cambodia, Laos and Northern Vietnam.
But first though, the Dunts had to return briefly to Vung Tau, Vietnam.
To this day, Member and Sarge still aren’t sure why their president took them back to Vung Tau, although they do have a lingering suspicion.
Possibly President Thor’s reason for returning was in the hope of signing a recording contract
It may have had something to do with President Thor checking if any Vietnamese ladies were carrying three-month-old babies on their hips, possibly with an Everton FC birthmark.
As far as Sarge and Member are aware, no three-legged babies were identified that resembled Thor.
A positive to returning somewhere you’ve already been, is that you know the lay of the land a little better. Things like, where to find a decent but cheap hotel with a good makeup mirror, massages, primo food, cold beers and, of course, good vibes.
A negative to returning somewhere you’ve already been, would be realising one now has to pay child custody support.
No such negatives were identified during this visit.
There are so many delights in Vietnam. Some of their women are absolutely stunning, for one. But it offers so much more than that: the nature, culture, food, and of course, the people in general.
The Dunts already loved Vietnamese coffees, and re-indulged many times, especially with Vietnamese iced coffee, ‘cà phê sữa đá’. They are phenomenal! Also phenomenal are their mix of teas, which are mega flavoursome!
A bikie mutt
The Dunts’ fresh food experiences were also great.
The Dunts love Southern Vietnam, but for this chapter, Cambodia, Laos and Northern Vietnam were calling loudly, and Vietnam was the stepping stone to get there. A nice stone they’d willingly step on any time.
As a pack, the Da Nang Dunts changed undies and countries…
Having previously visited Cambodia, President Thor again took lead and booked his motley crew into somewhere unknown in Phnom Penh.
Hotel hunting
Uncoincidentally, there was a dodgy Aussie Bar across the road from the hotel.
As is the norm in South-East Asia, there were the inevitable bar girls serving beers. All lovely of course, including a deaf-mute young lady who naturally didn’t speak a word of English, or even Cambodian, as far as the Dunts were aware.
Realising a slight flaw in Thor’s planning stage by not having taken extracurricular deaf-language studies, the Da Nang Dunts ventured outwards, hunting memories to make.
Exploring
A lady of the night receiving a late-night delivery of plants for her place of employmentTwo different, but very real elements of Phnom Penh life in one photo
The Phnom Penh stay was short but still included at least one extremely good night out resulting in one extremely bad hangover, one cunning scam, and of course, the very sobering, Killing Fields.
Sombre sufferings from liquid abuse the night before dissipated when visiting Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, or, as it’s also known, the Khmer Rouge prison S-21.
Tens of thousands lost their lives with only a very few surviving, the last two being Chum Mey and Bou Meng.
Chum Mey and Bou Meng
Meeting them both was a privilege the Dunts still value greatly.
Please, read their stories. What happened in Cambodia then remains a sad blight on humanity.
Now, some would argue the following is paranoia, some not. But when three dudes, all of whom worked together under the same boss, flee to places unknown to be lost in the masses, are then shoulder tapped by said boss… yeah, nah, surely not, nothing to see here… not even a little paranoia😉
One of these things is not like the other…
A dehydrated, hungover visit to S-21 on a day pushing 40°C was, in hindsight, somewhat unwise. A struggle indeed!
Sweat, not water
But not even mention-worthy really, compared to the struggles that went on here.
Unpleasant photos but worthy of sharing
Now, imagine this…
Some of the Dunts’ best massages have been down dodgy back alleys, given by century-old, partly toothed, wrinkled up, one armed, withered women. This one was not that.
A main road joint advertising too cheap to be true massage deals, sucking ol’ Sarge straight in like a Dunt to a cold beer. One of the worst massages in the history of mankind was had.
But it’s this next part where the story gets a little bit funky.
It wasn’t until paying for dinner later that night that the repercussions of that massage came to light.
The restaurant would not accept Sarge’s hard-earned cash in exchange for his yummy dinner, and for good reason too.
Sarge had unwittingly attempted to pay with a fake US$100 note.
Imagine the bewildered drunk conversations, head-scratching as to the who, what, where, when, why and how this was even happening.
But sure enough, there it was right there at the bottom of the note, the word ‘copy’.
‘copy‘
How could this be? It was only withdrawn from the ATM across the road a few hours earlier.
Conversations were had with restaurant staff and other customers who spoke of a possible explanation to this mystery. Dodgy massage parlours that, not only steal cash from wallets, but also exchange fake notes for genuine notes.
Surely not!
Sarge had placed his valuables inside a lockable cupboard inside the same room as his massage, even locking it and removing the key.
Nobody entered the room, leaving only him and the worst massage therapist in the history of the entire world, ever… unless, there was a false back to the cupboard that could be accessed from the next room.
Dwelling upon it later, Sarge reckoned he knew how Dr. David Banner from The Incredible Hulk felt during his transformation stage.
Sarge may have got a little bit angry.
Sarge did not turn green though (not counting the following day’s hangover).
The other Dunts offered genuinely wise pieces of advice like ‘Sit down man’, ‘Have another beer, dude’, ‘Let it go, bro’, and, ‘Definitely, do not go back there because you may die!’.
Sarge loves sitting down.
As for having another beer, well that’s one of his favourite things in the whole wide world.
And apart from one world cup poisoning incident, he has throughout his life let quite a few things go.
He’s also never been real keen on dying either.
But Sarge has also never been a great fan of being scammed.
So, against very sound advice, Sarge went back to the scene of the crime.
Noticing the look in their Sergeant at Arms’ eyes, President Thor and Member quickly confirmed his NOK contact details, and started working out how much refund they’ll receive from hotel rooms should he die.
Exactly what went on during Sarge’s return to the scene of the crime remains a mystery to this day.
One particular rumour said he stopped off to grab a massage therapist sized coffin.
There were whisperings of frantic calls made and text messages sent, resulting in Sarge exiting somewhat astutely.
But what remains living legend in the Da Nang Dunts history is that Sarge returned with his original genuine US$100 note… and, both he, and his note, were intact, untorn, and very much not dead.
The celebration was large and long and, overtly alcohol fuelled.
Later, much later, in fact, a drunken Sarge did something he immediately regretted.
Forgetting his note was the paper American denomination cash and not the un-rippable Australian equivalent, he ripped that now infamous note, almost completely in two.
He knew all too well that in many parts of Asia, this note would now, in essence, be worthless.
His glowing smile immediately dissipated and his heart sank.
His mates got him another beer and as quickly as his smile faded, it returned with great gusto, until he woke up the next morning with a sore head.
Sarge does not like hangovers, especially on travel day.
A great night, although the morning after wasn’t
But, like many events our Dunt characters deal with, it all just adds to the story along the way.
The following day felt like time to move on, so a struggling six-hour cab ride to Siem Reap ensued. Six hours is a very very long time to spend in a taxi when feeling Hulk green and trying hard not to vomit.
The seeds were already planted but it took a conversation in a hallway for them to sprout into fruition.
“Hey bro, me and Ivan are going to the Philippines and Vietnam, soon.”
“Oh man, that’s’ cool as. Can I come too… please?”
“Um, yeah, ok, I guess.”
“Cool, cos now there’s three people, we’re actually pretty much a gang, ya know. I’m the new dude, so I’ll be the member, cos every gang’s gotta have at least one member. And, that’s actually gunna be my gang name too, Member. Yep, call me Member from now on bro, ok! One of you will be president and the other, sergeant at arms. Just need to come up with a cool gang name and patch. I’ll design a patch, man. It’s as good a task as any for a new member. We’ll hire scooters in Asia and cruise the streets and then we’ll pretty much be a bikie gang.”
“Yeah righto, Member.”
And with that conversation the German Nation began… Argh, bloody auto correct!
And with that conversation, the germination began. The previously mentioned seeds, of what was to become the ‘Da Nang Dunts’ took root and started to grow. More about that down the track.
The Da Nang Dunts patch, designed in full by Member
Three middle aged dudes, all of whom had previously worked together on Straddie. Some would argue, sometimes they even carried on like cops, whilst others may swear they’ve witnessed them share a beer or two over the years.
One was practically mental (or at least that way inclined… nah, actually, he was already full mental).
One had lost his wife a year earlier and was arguable equally as mental. He’d actually been known as The Mentalist on more than one occasion.
And the other dude was actually a really brainy sensible fella who’d lost his father a month before flying out.
What could go wrong, right? Well, at least they had a brainy dude amongst them.
It all started way back though, when, as an act of mate-ship, the mental dude offered to travel with the widowed dude, following the widowed dude becoming a widow.
If you’re confused by previous sentence, imagine how the author feels.
Anywhere in the world was open for consideration, but with the mental dude having spent a substantial amount of time in South East Asia, this was the obvious ideal destination. The mental dude is also somewhat of a war nut and any travel involving him is based around war history. Plenty of history all throughout that region, but Vietnam became the ultimate main destination. A stopover was also included in Manila, Philippines, so in essence, experiencing two countries.
Due to already gained knowledge (not wisdom, nup, definitely not wisdom) and previous experiences in the area, it really was a no brainer to name the mental dude as the President and therefore, by default the widowed dude as the Sergeant at Arms.
For clarification purposes later on, the president was also gifted another name: Thor. Without going into too many details about why, let’s just say it involved a massive hammer, of sorts.
The widowed dude inherited Sarge.
Member was only ever Member because, as per his hallway conversation, every gang’s gotta have a member… plus he chose it.
To become a member in a gang though, especially this particularly cool gang, one is not simply gifted a cool name like Member and a subsequent gang membership, by right. No way! No matter how bad one yearns for it, one must earn it, and my word, did Member earn his name or what! Just wow! That’s later though.
So, back in March 2023, one mental president known as Thor, one sarge who’s not actually a real sarge and one member called Member got on a plane and flew to Manila.
It is this part of the story where the seedlings start to really come alive. Building, strengthening, growing.
Airside = beerside, Brisbane International Airport looking fresh faced and excited
They had a really good time, didn’t get up to any mischief at all and flew home afterwards. The end.
As if you, the reader, would let the author get away with such an ending. So with that in mind…
The Manila leg turned out to be a great little stopover. The ideal intro into the ‘thug life’, that this newly formed gang of ruthless hooligans were learning to live by.
For example, to help save the environment, 7-Eleven customers in Manila are invited to bring their own shopping bag… but only on Wednesdays. One would be foolish to take their own bag, Thursdays through Tuesdays. But not the Da Nang Dunts though. Well, not the Da Nang Dunts, if they actually had their own bags, but if they did, they would’ve taken them every single day of the week. Hard core, aye.
Fighting the good fight
The Filipinos are known to be very polite, friendly people and this really did prove to be the case.
Keeping in mind that Manila is a large city though, and as with most large cities, there’s also a lot of poverty and subsequent homeless living on the streets. The warnings about pick pocketing are for good reason, including young children working the trade exceptionally well. Be wary of this, especially at night, should you ever visit.
One of Sarge’s favourite memories was a group of young street-kids playing soccer with a shoe as their ball. On a busy downtown street corner, their pure joy was beautiful to see. Anyone would’ve thought they were playing with a real ball on the hallowed turf of Goodison Park. Any readers who don’t know Goodison Park, no dramas, because the author didn’t know either. Thor does though.
A common trait in Manila is placing wet tissues over freshly opened beers
Thor loves taking his mates to Aussie pubs, probably for rego checks actually
Thor looking exceptionally worried that Member isn’t trying to kiss him too
The gang contributed substantially to the Philippines gross national income in this bar with Jager alone
One of the more upmarket meals enjoyed
Sometimes eating street food is a great experience.
Hungry work being a ruffian, so BBQ street food is crucial
Sometimes eating street food is not a great experience.
BBQ’d chicken intestines
In Manila, it is also not recommended to get a massage at the same place Member went. That is, of course, unless you’re trying to blend your back into your faded red t-shirt.
Bikie gangs always check out other dude’s bikes, especially when those bikes come with heaps of beer. Although the Da Nang Dunts were technically not yet a bikie gang, because they didn’t actually have any motorcycles, being the rebels they were, they didn’t even care.
Bikie gangs (in the making) also enjoy taking photos of uniquely cut hotel curtains too.
A material-istic piece of art
‘It was a bloodbath’, cried Thor
The Da Nang Dunts spent a total of three days in Manila, and they loved it. Should they ever return to the Philippines, they would however choose another destination.
Well, that’s it for now folks. Be sure to subscribe so as not to miss these scoundrels in their next stop, Vietnam.
