Touch down, Ho Chi Minh (Saigon), some 1611km away.
Fresh faced, feeling young and vibrant, but actually raggedy old, broken and probably hung over, our three heathens’ arrival in Vietnam saw them embark on the second leg of their inaugural Da Nang Dunts tour.
Vietnam, such a remarkable country with an amazing history that two of the three scallywags were yet to learn. Thousands of years of ancient history dating back far beyond, the Vietnam War, that the Vietnamese understandably call ‘The American War’.
The plan for the remainder of The Established Tour, 2023, was rough as guts. Start in Saigon and return home alive after a couple of weeks.
Like savage wolves of the wilderness, they prowled the lands seeking food, shelter and comfort, surviving by natural instincts alone.
Not too dissimilar to a David Attenborough documentary of the African plains where the primal drive of wild animals draws all to watering holes in a drought, the innate instincts of the Da Nang Dunts found they were never really very thirsty. They appeared to have a remarkable natural ability to find their very own modern day watering holes of bars and cafes.
Although hungry on occasion, the Dunts unanimously decided to avoid this fisherman’s catch.
Over the next couple of weeks, President Thor took his wolf pack to some of his old haunts. Whenever they entered a new village, or even a bar, Sarge and Member would scan the faces of wide-eyed young children for any resemblance of their president. They also listened intently in case any had such names such as ‘Lil Thor, Thorette, Tack Hammer, Mallet’, or had deformities like three legs.
Some things, like irons, toilets, ice creams and street food seatings are very small in Vietnam. Not that the boys did much ironing on tour, but eating on the streets and urinating, they did heaps of. The street food was on the streets, the urinating was not.
If so inclined, a great little tip when travelling overseas is to hook up with locals. One then gets inside local knowledge, a translator if needed, cultural advice and so many other little perks. The key is to find someone you not only trust but whose company is pleasant.
President Thor’s previous incursions into Vietnam had given both him and his gang somewhat of an insight. However, as much as he had propped up Vietnam’s economy over the years, he was just too wrinkly, weathered and Thor-ish, to be considered a genuine local. Genuine Vietnamese tend not to be sucked into Aussie bars full of crusty old expat men. Thor did.
On many an occasion, the other two gang members felt they’d somehow warped back into some Aussie outback bars. The usual dress code was a singlet and shorts (undies optional). Typically, there was usually an old white smoking male giving husbandry life a third or fourth attempt, whilst contributing to three generations of children from one set of swinging loins. Both Sarge and Member were not initially convinced they were being shown the ‘real Vietnam’.
Without doubt, two of the main must-see tourist ventures in Saigon are the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum. There are undoubtedly other places, but it was these two tourist ventures that the Da Nang Dunts experienced. The locals, by the way, tend to use both Saigon and Ho Chi Minh in conversation.
Going into both the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum with open minds, changed both Sarge and Member’s understanding of that part of history.
The Cu Chi Tunnels are but one of many throughout Vietnam. To comprehend what actually went on during that time of war, leaves one in genuine awe. Imagine traipsing through jungles without knowing your enemy was directly below you, amongst kilometres of tunnels with small vent and escape holes. It really was a remarkable time in history.
As for the War Remnants Museum, well that proved to be such an eye opener. In modern history, it’s the Vietnam War they’re mostly known for. However, the history of the country dates back thousands of years, during which time they were ruled by various empires including the Chinese for around 1000 years.
Should you ever visit Saigon, the Da Nang Dunts recommend these two experiences.
No bikes yet so mode of transport was by boat down to Vung Tau where a whole new set of adventures and learnings awaited the Da Nang Dunts. Learnings like, how to tell if a suspected woman is an actual woman, and not a transvestite. A rather important lesson in various parts of South East Asia.
Belly’s Watering Hole is an expat bar owned by an old Kiwi dude who calls Vung Tau, Vietnam, home. Although some wise tips like ‘the old bendy elbow trick’ are provided free over morning vodka, a tour of The Battle of Long Tan does cost. It is however, nice to know the funds are a donation that goes towards local children/orphanage. A note of respect for the Vietnamese Government that allows these events to continue.
It was whilst in Vung Tau that the Da Nang Dunts became a fully fledged bikie gang.
Upon sourcing their very own very powerful hog (variants), with thunderous pipes drowning the cries of trauma from the public, whilst the suffocating heat was filled with anarchy of gasoline fumes punching through the humid air, the gang let the horses run free and leaned back in pure ecstasy as they lived as one with the vibrations of the heavy metal throbbing between their legs… until their piles ruptured.
With their nifty fifties beneath them, these boys were never to look through the same set of eyes ever again.
Vietnam is not all historical war history, far from it in fact. Although, they do have some quite cool museums, like this one the Dunts came across.
With the gang name being the Da Nang Dunts, one would assume the Dunts actually went to Da Nang, right? Of course they did.
Da Nang was a highlight, not only because of naming rights, but because, yeah alright, because of the gang name. But also the Dunts managed to vroom vroom here and vroom vroom there and found such stunning places such as Hoi An and surrounds.
The historical scars left on this stunning country through all it’s twists and turns has ultimately played it’s part in making modern day Vietnam what it is today. Such an absolutely fascinating country. So much so that the Dunts made a point of returning to a year later.
Does the country appear at all divided, possibly by north or south or different religions? Definitely not!
Are they proud, friendly and welcoming people? Definitely.
Vietnam, The Da Nang Dunts tip their hats to you. You were awesome!
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