#34 Brazilian head

My first wife chopped all her hair off today.  Bit of a cunt of a day really.

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Well, technically she didn’t chop it off as she got her hairdresser to do it.

Even with all my fine-tuned hair cutting skills she wouldn’t let me do it. Reckons I’d give her fucked up racing stripes, spots or some other funky shit. Just goes to show how well she knows me ‘cos that’s exactly what I would’ve done.

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She did make me come and watch it though. You know, just for torture purposes to make me cringe and feel or freaked out and shit. Watching was probably just as bad, if not worse than doing the cutting.

In all honesty I guess it was always inevitable that my first wife would lose her hair but we clung to the fact that she had amazing very thick hair and the chemo the oncologist who I’m not allowed to call a gnome even though he looks like one, is giving her was only supposed to thin her hair but not to this extent.

Really though, who gives a fuck man, ‘cos even though she sometimes annoys the fuck out of me I’ve still got my first wife to naggety naggety nag and believe me, she don’t need no hair to excel at that.

She doesn’t even have an ugly head under all that head of hair she had, so there’s a bonus aye. Fuck yeah!

They say try before you buy but in the early days I never really had the guts to ask her to shave her head smoothe like an egg. You know, so I could see what her head looked like just in case she ever got a cunt of a disease, like maybe bowel cancer.

Were there tears today? Fucken oath there were!  The ol’ girl shed a few, so did her poor ol’ hairdresser sheila and as for the bald cunt writing this, yeah maybe.

The quote of the day…

Marjana: My hair looked like I barely survived Chernobyl.

Me: Well fuck me wife, I don’t call ya chemo days Chernobyl sessions for no reason.

A few positives though…

We could probably pay off our mortgage in a year from money saved on hairdressing shit.

Won’t need to buy any more hair products.

I can take her hair products out of our shower and now have enough space for at least two, if not three beers in there.

With all the weak wispy clumps of hair now gone my first wife no longer pulling off that dead person dug up from a grave look.

If she didn’t sing like a cat whose being held by the balls, she could probably pass as a young Sinead O’Connor.

With her dance moves she could easily replace that spastic dancing cunt from Midnight Oil.

She can lay claim to being the baldest in our home.  A title that I’ve held for ages and might yet claim it back.

I don’t have to go to the bathroom to look in the mirror and can just look at my first wife instead.

Hopefully she can get an acting job to replace that weak as shit actor Vin Diesel.

I won’t catch the cook sneakily crying when she’s brushing her hair.

I don’t have to lie to her saying I can’t even see the difference.

And let’s not forget the fact, she actually feels a lot better for it.

So yeah, a massive day for us man. But it could be way way way worse so all good and nothing to see here… unless of course ya looking for spastic looking heads.

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