#27 The first wife fine tunes ‘annoying’

After two chemo sessions we’ve learnt a few things:

That the few days following Chernobyl sessions my first wife feels a little bit shit (pretty much over that weekend).

That if we want to socialise and do shit, we probably need to choose the alternate week to chemo sessions.

That the sheilas who work in the cancer care part at Mater Private Hospital in Redlands are all very lovely.

That the chair for support people like first husbands ain’t real comfortable.  Probably doesn’t help that we’re usually there for four hours, I guess.

That if I look at the sheilas in the cancer care centre with puppy dog eyes and make my stomach rumble, they will also give me a sandwich.

That it doesn’t matter where my first wife dozes off because she can do loud snorting snores that wake her up anywhere.

That although my first wife doesn’t recommend this weight loss program she has lost 10kg since this cunt of a disease entered our lives.

That people still care and very much still do give a fuck.

That if we are organised, we can still do our backyard feeds and piss ups around the fire (even if first wives can’t drink piss with us).

That the record we thought would last forever on the pee tree has been broken and I am again the reigning champion, so fuck yeah!

That the one lot of neighbours on our street are still whinging cunts and all other neighbours are just good cunts.

That the first wife was probably correct and I was possibly wrong for maybe the second time ever.  We needed to cut down a couple trees in our backyard because they were fucking up our drains and house footings.  I was going to climb up and do them myself but a professional tree lopper managed to do it quick as, at a very good price and I didn’t even have to die or lose a limb by chain sawing a leg off instead of a tree branch.

That Marjana’s appetite is improving but she’s still finding out what she can and can’t eat, and that is forever changing.

That food tastes different to her now and she even thinks the wine I drink is now sour.

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That my first wife has pissed me off and I’d use one of those Seven Dwarfs comparisons if I could but there isn’t one called ‘Annoying Dwarf’ so might have to start looking at Smurfs for comparisons because they got heaps more than just seven of the blue midget things.

I guess we all get pissed off with our spouses and going to work can be a good thing so you don’t spend all your time together and get pissed off for fuck all.  So when life changes like ours has it’s probably surprising it took us this long.

But on Saturday she pulled out that skillset that she excels in beyond belief. You know, the one called ‘nagging’ ‘cos she’s ‘Level Expert’ in that.  It’s one of her superpowers.

You know when your get like cabin fever and shit and you’re sharing that cabin with someone and everything they do pisses you off because basically they’re just annoying cunts… Well my first wife took it upon herself to blink as loudly as she could knowing that it was gunna annoy me.  She was blinking like a fucking spastic having an epileptic fit with a blink blink here and a fucking blink blink there and everywhere a fucking blink blink.

Having been snared by her trap in early 96, I know her pretty well and I’m not sure if it’s a cancer thing or just an age thing as the dear ol’ thing has got a few years under her belt now but fucked if I can remember a day ever that she blinked with such amplified results.

On a positive though, her eyes were open longer than the multiple milliseconds she spent blinking.

She is of course a staunch Catholic and her belief in God will see her/us through.

She even used it to trick me into forgiving her on Sunday by attending mass (even if it was via a livestream). She’s a cunning little thing I tell ya because she knows that at every mass there’s a part where you have to say hi or wish good will or something to people and because we were the only two in the room I fell victim to her crafty little plan and with her big beautiful eyes and her knowing smirk, I succumbed and gave her a kiss. Had to tell her real quick though that I forgave her before she could tell me first.

That’s a positive in more than one way too though because her guts might be all fucked up but her brain definitely ain’t.  She can even plan and shit… which by the way was what started it all because she wanted to plan the rest of the kitchen reno shit.

That leads on to the vertigo scene I guess, because although it ain’t brain related (its an ear thing with minute crystals being dislodged into the ear canal apparently) it’s very much a real-life interruption into our current real life situation, being that little thing we call the cunty cancer.

So my first wife’s vertigo has improved heaps after doing some funky moves along the lines of ‘look left while sitting, lay down on right side, roll onto back with head still left, head to centre, roll back to right and sit back up’ but with long pauses between each part and of course I wouldn’t be the shit stirring cunt I am if I wasn’t continually doing annoying little things to her third tit and yes even her original ones while she’s not allowed to move, has to concentrate and her head is doing the ‘spin the bottle’ thing.  Some would argue I can be an annoying loud blinker myself, but I don’t fall into such nonsense.

Marjana is still getting regular visitors from our various networks and friend circles which always makes her happy. Just message or call her and you can come around so she can show you her scar. It’s one of her new hobbies now.

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Her mobility is heaps better than it was but still not flash enough to hang out the washing which is mostly this slave’s work. I figured if I did a shit job her mobility might improve more but hasn’t worked yet, fuck it.

We have both joined some cancer groups on Facebook that are quite insightful as are all our mates who have battled this same shit.  It’s hard to comprehend how many people are affected by cancer, man.  It’s like waking up one day and being a ranga and when you go out in public you notice all the other people with red hair. Okay maybe it’s not that bad 😉  

I couldn’t be here to annoy my first wife if my work colleagues and bosses hadn’t been so awesome in accommodating our situation. It really does mean heaps, man so thank you but special thanks to some real good cunts Chris and Darni.

Chemo again on Wednesday so hopefully this one goes ahead.