Following on from an amazing gift (#2), I decided to spoil my first wife with the cream to the cake for which she had already been gifted.
I do feel though that I let my gift wrapping skill slip drastically with the presentation but this gift did give her alternative option for those more tired days.
Guess you could call this one ‘a gift of leisure’.
The wrapping is a mix of tie down straps for my trailer and a photo edit squiggly colour thing to for the ribbon effect.
Answer: To put y’all out of your misery, the shape underneath the wrappings in #3 Gifts for my first wife was a… lawn mower. I know right… 😉
With this birthday gift I figured she was actually getting two gifts in one… the actual thing under the wrapping and the fact it’s also a form of gym equipment and therefore assisted in keeping her fit.
Answer: To put y’all out of your misery, the shape underneath the wrappings in #2 Gifts for my first wife was a vacuum cleaner. I know right… 😉
I just asked my first wife what happened this week that I can write about and one of the first things she said was ‘I nagged more’. Fuck, I ain’t arguing with that but was hoping she’d tell me something I didn’t know.
Love this pic
Although we aren’t out socialising as often as we were, we’re still very much social due to people visiting and it really is nice for my cleaner to have people showing they care in person.
One couple of Marjana’s work mates came yesterday and brought the best fucking gift we’ve received yet. It’s a mean as blanket imported from England with a collage of some spastic cunt all over it. As if my cook doesn’t get enough of the spastic dude already 😉
Fuck yeah
I wasn’t even home to meet them or receive the gift ‘cos my first wife was pimping me out to one of her other work mates that needed some help cutting fallen trees after a storm ripped through their farm.
All this pimping out made me feel like I was back in my man-whoring days.
Coming home drained, covered in sweat, dirt, sawdust, cuts and scratches like a UFC fighter, there were more man-whore similarities than just being pimped out, I tell ya.
These poor fellas farm got smashed in the latest storm
Those sheilas from my first wife’s work bat for the other team and to be honest I can’t blame ’em ‘cos if I was a chick that’s how I’d roll too, but suffice to say, when I came home my first wife was still my first wife (well technically, she can’t ever not be I suppose) and hadn’t run off to join The Dark Side. It’s the small things in life, aye.
Workmates came to hang with the first wife
The Mrs was happy to also see Finland Tina who’s almost as spastic as I am. We know her from our Gold Coast days and she works at Pindara Oncology. She’s actually also quite brainy with this cancer shit so nice for them to have a catch up.
Chernobyl day was Wednesday and even with her vertigo hanging around like Bella trying to scavenge a feed, it went well.
Chemo is sooo much fun
We just came back from the cancer care clinic to get Marjana’s hipflask style bottle of chemo removed which is always a relief. I don’t feel real good when she has that attached and I ain’t even the one it’s attached to so imagine how she feels.
Will be interesting to see how the ol’ girl goes this weekend because last time she was kinda fucked up, so here’s to hoping aye.
Random photo of a brazier Dilan made at school. Got an A.
My mate Chris (and boss) had an operation yesterday on his own personal cancer battle so thinking of him too. He’s a good cunt, man and the world needs more good cunts and less shit cunts.
On Tuesday some sheilas from my work came out and had lunch with us; meaning my first wife, Chris and I and it was nice to catch up with them all as I haven’t been at work since our world fell over. Thanking y’all for having my back, man.
Bree is cupcake baker extraordinair
Also on Tuesday, Dilan had his semi formal and took some young sheila along as his date. He probably had the spunkiest looking chick to be honest. Even the first wife complimented him on how hot his date was so they should be proud if they get a tick of approval from her.
Semi formal night
When we were picking him up I asked the first wife why all the young chicks nowadays look spunky as fuck but when I was young like him they were all ugly as fuck (except for you sheilas from my younger days who are reading this… actually, nah just call it how it is I reckon) 😉
I cooked but Mrs takes credit for recipe
Finally, here’s to all the other cancer fighters out there because there’s fucking heaps of the poor cunts. It’s no surprise to me but life ain’t fair.
Gift wrapping for my first wife is without doubt one of my superpowers.
In these early gift wrapping days, I was definitely still finding my feet.
In fact, if I wasn’t actually living my life; like you know in actual real life, I could easily be forgiven for thinking I was a mutant in the original X-Men movie where I was discovering my superpower.
This gift was gifted to my first wife with devoted love for Christmas 2013.
Answer: To put y’all out of your misery, the shapes underneath the wrappings in #1 Gifts for my first wife were… a frying pan and an iron. I know right… 😉
Any idea what this one might be though…?
Ok, so maybe Santa can claim the credit for this gem of a gift
After two chemo sessions we’ve learnt a few things:
That the few days following Chernobyl sessions my first wife feels a little bit shit (pretty much over that weekend).
That if we want to socialise and do shit, we probably need to choose the alternate week to chemo sessions.
That the sheilas who work in the cancer care part at Mater Private Hospital in Redlands are all very lovely.
That the chair for support people like first husbands ain’t real comfortable. Probably doesn’t help that we’re usually there for four hours, I guess.
That if I look at the sheilas in the cancer care centre with puppy dog eyes and make my stomach rumble, they will also give me a sandwich.
That it doesn’t matter where my first wife dozes off because she can do loud snorting snores that wake her up anywhere.
That although my first wife doesn’t recommend this weight loss program she has lost 10kg since this cunt of a disease entered our lives.
That people still care and very much still do give a fuck.
Cuzzies visiting so we can laugh at Lisa
That if we are organised, we can still do our backyard feeds and piss ups around the fire (even if first wives can’t drink piss with us).
That the record we thought would last forever on the pee tree has been broken and I am again the reigning champion, so fuck yeah!
That the one lot of neighbours on our street are still whinging cunts and all other neighbours are just good cunts.
That the first wife was probably correct and I was possibly wrong for maybe the second time ever. We needed to cut down a couple trees in our backyard because they were fucking up our drains and house footings. I was going to climb up and do them myself but a professional tree lopper managed to do it quick as, at a very good price and I didn’t even have to die or lose a limb by chain sawing a leg off instead of a tree branch.
Partial aftermath
That Marjana’s appetite is improving but she’s still finding out what she can and can’t eat, and that is forever changing.
That food tastes different to her now and she even thinks the wine I drink is now sour.
We aint the hungry type
That my first wife has pissed me off and I’d use one of those Seven Dwarfs comparisons if I could but there isn’t one called ‘Annoying Dwarf’ so might have to start looking at Smurfs for comparisons because they got heaps more than just seven of the blue midget things.
I guess we all get pissed off with our spouses and going to work can be a good thing so you don’t spend all your time together and get pissed off for fuck all. So when life changes like ours has it’s probably surprising it took us this long.
But on Saturday she pulled out that skillset that she excels in beyond belief. You know, the one called ‘nagging’ ‘cos she’s ‘Level Expert’ in that. It’s one of her superpowers.
You know when your get like cabin fever and shit and you’re sharing that cabin with someone and everything they do pisses you off because basically they’re just annoying cunts… Well my first wife took it upon herself to blink as loudly as she could knowing that it was gunna annoy me. She was blinking like a fucking spastic having an epileptic fit with a blink blink here and a fucking blink blink there and everywhere a fucking blink blink.
Having been snared by her trap in early 96, I know her pretty well and I’m not sure if it’s a cancer thing or just an age thing as the dear ol’ thing has got a few years under her belt now but fucked if I can remember a day ever that she blinked with such amplified results.
On a positive though, her eyes were open longer than the multiple milliseconds she spent blinking.
She is of course a staunch Catholic and her belief in God will see her/us through.
She even used it to trick me into forgiving her on Sunday by attending mass (even if it was via a livestream). She’s a cunning little thing I tell ya because she knows that at every mass there’s a part where you have to say hi or wish good will or something to people and because we were the only two in the room I fell victim to her crafty little plan and with her big beautiful eyes and her knowing smirk, I succumbed and gave her a kiss. Had to tell her real quick though that I forgave her before she could tell me first.
That’s a positive in more than one way too though because her guts might be all fucked up but her brain definitely ain’t. She can even plan and shit… which by the way was what started it all because she wanted to plan the rest of the kitchen reno shit.
That leads on to the vertigo scene I guess, because although it ain’t brain related (its an ear thing with minute crystals being dislodged into the ear canal apparently) it’s very much a real-life interruption into our current real life situation, being that little thing we call the cunty cancer.
Vertigo physio session
So my first wife’s vertigo has improved heaps after doing some funky moves along the lines of ‘look left while sitting, lay down on right side, roll onto back with head still left, head to centre, roll back to right and sit back up’ but with long pauses between each part and of course I wouldn’t be the shit stirring cunt I am if I wasn’t continually doing annoying little things to her third tit and yes even her original ones while she’s not allowed to move, has to concentrate and her head is doing the ‘spin the bottle’ thing. Some would argue I can be an annoying loud blinker myself, but I don’t fall into such nonsense.
Marjana is still getting regular visitors from our various networks and friend circles which always makes her happy. Just message or call her and you can come around so she can show you her scar. It’s one of her new hobbies now.
Her mobility is heaps better than it was but still not flash enough to hang out the washing which is mostly this slave’s work. I figured if I did a shit job her mobility might improve more but hasn’t worked yet, fuck it.
I may just be the Andy Warhol of hanging out washing
We have both joined some cancer groups on Facebook that are quite insightful as are all our mates who have battled this same shit. It’s hard to comprehend how many people are affected by cancer, man. It’s like waking up one day and being a ranga and when you go out in public you notice all the other people with red hair. Okay maybe it’s not that bad 😉
I couldn’t be here to annoy my first wife if my work colleagues and bosses hadn’t been so awesome in accommodating our situation. It really does mean heaps, man so thank you but special thanks to some real good cunts Chris and Darni.
Chemo again on Wednesday so hopefully this one goes ahead.
I actually liked this tree but it was like killing one to save many
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