Tag: The Cancer Chronicles

Not an update as already done 20 and I struggle to count even that high but my first wife wanted me to thank the person who nominated her for a gift pack from Redlands Centre for Women.

Thinkin’ I know who it is and that person knows that I know but Marjana still wanted me to publicly say thank you.

She cried like a motherfuck when the sheila came by yesterday. Think she felt bad as she turned up when ol’ wife looked normal and left with her looking like she just watched Lion King… poor girl.

That gift pack by the way, is on top of all the normal delivered gifts that we know who sent them, on top of all the work being done at our home, on top of all the food delivered, on top of all the lifts to pick up Dilan, on top of all the visits, on top of all the donations, on top of all the phone calls, on top of all the prayers, on top of all the flowers, on top of all the good cunts, on top of all the beautiful people in the world (including the ugly huas) and and and…

Yeah, nah fuck it, this can be update 21.

Because its an official update, killed me a food thief overnight. For those that don’t like seeing dead things or think its cruel, yeah sorry but fuck the dirty little thieving cunt who should’ve had an appetite for someone else’s garden.

Some primo feed pics which don’t include a mouse (yet), some visitors and a dog dreaming video for shits and giggles.

So the doctors keep saying you will have good days and bad days. Today was a mix of both with tears shed for good and sad.

We had appointments with both our surgeon and oncologist, followed by a visit to the chemo suite, which sure as hell aint like a good timing boutique micro brewery occasion.

Fuck man, I’m not sure if it’s comforting or sad to see how many people there are being treated for cancer. That’s some scary shit right there! It’s sad as because there’s a C word I love and a C word I hate and sometimes, like now; both words can share the same sentence… Cancer is a cunt.

It was a sad day because today’s appointments were very much a stark reminder that our lives will never be the same again!

The ol’ first wife was given a very true account of what is to follow as far as chemo goes… things like an explanation of the concoction to be used, frequency of blood tests, CT scans, fortnightly chemo treatments, including a couple days extra with some sort of funky bottle thing attached to her like she attaches herself to me when she’s parading me around in public like the proud owner of a fine very valuable stud stallion (objective v subjective), the effects this poison will have on her and the fact we we’re reminded that it’s not curable but is treatable.

Chemo treatment starts a week today.

I mean she still walks like a 118-year-old Croatian baka from a village in the rocky mountains, shuffling her feet but she’s recovered from the surgery enough to start chemo very shortly.

Chatting with our surgeon Peter Yuide is always a good time and today was no different. I told him he had a few interested sheilas when I posted his photo but also mentioned that he was married with heaps of kids. Fuck knows how actually, as he’s never home to make them.

A Quote of the Day…

My first wife: I try not to laugh because it hurts when I laugh.

Surgeon: That must be really hard with that bloke (me) around you.

Laughter 

Surgeon: Well I’ll always be here for you guys if you need anything but we wont need to see each other as often now.

Marjana: Oh no!

Me: Yeah your kinda like a cool pet we don’t want to give up, man.

Laughter 

Back home for tears of another kind. My first wife’s work colleagues have been nothing short of amazing, man! So many of them had already donated to our GoFundMe page and a Welfare group they have where they all donate about $5 per pay even donated another $2,000. Well today they had some sort of baking day thing and the funds raised were donated to us. I figured they’d make a couple or even a few hundred but they must be a bunch of fucking class bakers right there because there was another $2,000 raised. This shit just blows us away, man!

I walked upstairs and saw my first wife sobbing hard out and I thought some cunt had died. Seriously! She was pointing to her phone but couldn’t talk. I checked her phone and she’d just read the Facebook post from her work with pics of baking and the efforts people went to and well you get the picture. It was a beautiful expression of love and basically just niceness that’s come out of a sad as fuck situation.

But on a positive, no cunt died which I actually thought had happened. It’s the small things in life… you know, like not dying and shit.

Every day over the last week has seen visitors come by and all have been great visits for the spirit.

A piece of advice though for anyone planning on getting cancer… be sure to abstain from eating lasagne and/or quiche for about a year prior because it’s the modern day equivalent of bringing flowers. We have had half a dozen of each and I am now a self confessed expert in the variances of one from another and if ya don’t believe me check out my big fat guts in the video #fatcunt.

For a change, I made my first wife salata od hobotnice (octopus salad) yesterday and even bragged to our surgeon, saying being a wog a shit, he would appreciate this feed… and he did.

Marjana asked how to spell ’emotional wreck’ which I think sums up the day but, it could be an emotional wreck day without beer in the house, without food in the house, without family in the house and without some of the veges I grew in the house 😊

On a side note, I’m gunna be a hunting some living creatures soon because something is eating all my fresh veges and fuck them 😠

Marjana is recovering very nicely at home; almost as if she knows the place and is comfortable there 😉

Kitchen, ta daa stage thanking DMW Cabinets and Shopfits and making my first wife go 😊 and 😪 at the same time ❤

Sleeping, recovering and a few very pleasant visits 🥱

Now she is home, we’ll give updates but less of them and gunna concentrate on getting better 😊

Feeling and looking a lot better and too cunning to fall for my offer to swap sides of the bed. Her clean side without bedside table for my dirty side with bedside table 👏

So much love people 🙏

My first wife is home 😊 and think she was hanging out to effect an escape as was texting me while still at Dilan rugby game asking me how long before we come steal her away 😉

The ol’ girl is looking a bit beat up and worse for wear and talk about take fucken ages to get up the stairs, man. Gunna have to get her doing some hill sprints like pre season training stuff, I reckon.

Looks like she’s lost a bit of weight too and although she reckons that’s not a bad thing, there are probably better ways to go about a weight loss program than having some of ya guts ripped out and not eating bugger all food for a couple weeks.

Anyway so a little highlight of her day was coming home to an almost completed (partial) kitchen redo which couldn’t have happened without the input of some real good cunts.

We have heaps of partial renos being done and Marjana had been nagging for years about redoing the kitchen. Our stove fucked out a couple months ago so it took a priority. She loves nagging by the way. Real bloody good at it too, in case ya wondering!

So how this kitchen thing came about was the Wednesday when the first wife was having her colonoscopy I met Eric Angles, Norman Bull and Gayle Bengston for a coffee. Like all you other good bastards they offered to help in any way possible and our kitchen came up in conversation.

Some of you may know this team from sponsoring our Coffee with a Cop events or from other businesses they have like the magazine Writers Reserve. They live by the motto ‘pay it forward.’

So they shot around to our place, saw our rooted one and came up with a plan. I then had to pick up the first wife, drive her to her appointment, do our appreciative but sad thank you video clip before kicking her out and heading to Ikea to buy a fucking kitchen that she had already drafted a plan of a month earlier.

Squeeze it in our car including a bench top (even though the cook had said not to use an Ikea one) which was later returned. Unpack it at home and spend the next few hours waiting for the surgeons call to say the op went well. It was a really fucken shit time to be honest… Ikea visit AND bowel cancer surgery!

On the Friday the good cunts I mentioned above came around with a handyman mate who owed them a favour, they ripped the old part out and I put the Ikea cabinets together while they did their thing.

From then until the following Wednesday we had shit everywhere as had no storage space, no stove or oven so lived like the ferals we are anyway and survived in a construction zone, often with beer to get us across the line.

Come Wednesday and the team returned with another really good bastard who I wouldn’t mind at all if Dilan married into their family by the way and they also brought a stone bench top that is pretty much identical to another one we have. Forgot to mention that our cool as neighbour who my first wife trusts Sam aka Marty Barrett came over and said ‘Don’t you dare use that ugly as fuck bench top from Ikea’ but in nice words, not my way.

So need to say a massive thank you to Pine4apply Pty Ltd from Cleveland who donated the bench top that saved us heaps of coin. They’re at 4/57 Shore St West, Cleveland – ph 0433667409.

Talking about that, Wednesday also brought Dave Wilson around and both he and his cool as wife Kinita have a family owned cabinet making business in Capalaba called DMW Cabinets and Shopfitting at 9/100 Redland Bay Rd, Capalaba – ph (07) 33903355 and 0422576720.

We owe all these people heaps and although the kitchen is still not finished, this is a major step in the right direction and we’d be fucked without their help right now.

The first wife was blown away big time when she came home to it and said she feels ‘very blessed’ and that ‘these people are just so nice, it makes me cry.’

But anyway team, for those of you still following these posts the main points for today were the fact the cook is home and she has a partial new kitchen as a surprise 😊

Cheers for the wine for Father’s Day Kodi. Fuck, I love wine… and beer.

Quote of the Day:

Driving first wife home from hospital and Dilan is telling her about rugby today.

Marjana: Ah? Eh” Huh?

Me: What did you learn fucken Chinese in that hospital? Sounds like it.

Marjana: Aye? What?

Me: Well they obviously didn’t fix your deafness when in hospital aye 😉

But anyway, it’s nice to have the first wife home even if she is bossy as fuck. She does look a bit rooted but understandably so and onwards and upwards from here.

Cheers