No updates for a couple weeks and that’s probably a good sign because nothing significant has happened… that is if you don’t count waking up every day and being alive because that is indeed very significant for all of us, including my first wife and you reading this of course.
The ol’ girl continues to get better by the day and even surprised me a couple days ago by giving me avocado on toast for breakfast which was a pleasant change from the last couple of months but check out the holy bread 😉
She managed to put her own socks on both feet but refuses to do so because I don’t kiss her feet when she does it herself.
She can now load the dishwasher and never seen her looking so sexy 😉
She can also load the washing machine which is a bit of a mission but I tell her it’s like modern day physio so she really needs to practice that shit daily.
She now eats like an eight-year-old skinny boy which is a big improvement though from when she ate like a baby chicken still in an embryo.
She’s folding washing and that people, is another lovely sight to see. Fuck yeah.
She spends a bit more time outside 😊 although out of the sun and wind ☹ I actually think she goes outside to hunt me when I try hide from her in the garden.
She walks more and has a little more energy. Nothing like the Energizer Bunny though but better than the sloth like creature she was (without the sloth body though).
She can now cough which if you haven’t been able to do is a very nice when needed. She still grabs her guts like she used to do with a bottle of fine Marlborough Sav but a cough is a cough.
She can now sneeze without shitting herself all down her leg… nah that shitting all down her leg didn’t happen but probably caught your attention. Remember the Seven Dwarfs comments in a previous update, well this just proves the Sneezy Dwarf personality. She sneezes a bit and even has a runny nose sometimes which they reckon is a weird side effect of the chemo. Far out aye.
She still doesn’t drink piss but I love her anyway. She is gunna have to work on that though because love can only survive like that for so long. I never trust any cunt that doesn’t drink piss.
She can still pour me wine though so, fuck yeah!
She’s down to sleeping on only two pillows and for those that watched the pillow video that’s a humungous improvement from the pillow tower the princess I call my first wife lived upon.
She can wear her chemo bottle with purse attachment a little more naturally but tries her best not to go out heaps during the days she has it attached. That’s Wednesday through Friday every fortnight by the way.
She can now sleep through most of the night sometimes, but fuck I laughed when she dozed off when getting chemo at hospital and woke herself up snoring.
She can whinge like the best of ‘em. First wives are good like that, as are second and third and fourth and many other wives for that matter… actually to be totally honest, she whinges fuck all but I can’t really tell her that. I think she’s saving it up for a real big one. Hoping she’ll let me know when that’s booked in for as have other shit on elsewhere that day, week or even month.
We’re both still off work and she’s gunna be off for quite a while yet. As for me, well fucked if I know but this slave shit ain’t for the faint hearted, I tell ya. I can’t speak highly enough of my bosses though who have my back big time so cheers man. You are good cunts and I appreciate it.
Couple more positives…
Bella the fat thing of a dog has stopped limping so thinking it ain’t something sinister… Fuck yeah! She’s an awesome dog, man. I’ll try and remember to film her every time I walk in the house so you can see her bow. I think the first wife is hoping I’ll learn that bowing trick from her.
Pudding our cat still hasn’t pissed on my clothes again so I’ve refrained from calling her Pudding the cunt and just gone with Pudding. Nah, she’s a cool as cat too and very much misses being able to sit on my first wife’s big fat guts (even if it’s no longer a big fat guts). But it’s ok Pudding, I now got a big fat guts of my own that you can do your soothing claw pressing moves one.
The ol’ first wife must be kinda popular because visitors are still coming almost daily, although as expected they have slowed somewhat to a more manageable level. My first wife enjoys these visits though so anyone who ain’t sick or a fuckhead is welcome to visit.
She is still kinda yellow though and sometimes when I wake up next to her I have to check it’s actually her and not my ol man’s Chinese Mrs. About the time I recognise her as my first wife I also realise I wasn’t stabbed in the guts like the ol’ man so no it ain’t his Mrs.
But her guts is still very much a long way from healed and it really does suck that she can’t eat a lot of the food that normal people eat. Well what we eat, so not really normal people.
Couple other updates since last post is we had our good mates Biggles and Lexi down for a couple days and that was therapeutic because she loves them, we got to drink heaps of piss together (well most of us) and BBQd over fire for first time in a while and I dig that shit. Of course, our neighbours who are also good cunts too came for beers, feed and a birthday. Fuck I missed that shit.
Dilan got pissed though and managed to show us what he had in his guts.
Some plumber dude came and took a couple hundred bucks off us but fuck was that money well spend or what. When ya first wife has bowel cancer and getting chemo ya don’t want ya toilet or any other drains backing up but he sorted it.
Yesterday some other dude came and did a monkey climbing thing with a chainsaw and by the time he was finished I’m sure he would’ve pissed off some tree huggers. #Fuckthetrees.
Nah, I love trees but the roots were causing massive dramas with our drain pipes and had the potential to fuck up the town sewer pipes that also run through our property so had to be done. That means I been working like a slave doing dump runs and I’m absolutely rooted as I write this.
I wrapped her a present because using a broom is a bit of a struggle for her right now. I’m good like that 😉
I wrote most of this a couple days ago and since then she hasn’t been feeling real flash the last couple of days. It’s kinda fucked actually because she doesn’t deserve this cunt of a disease ☹
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