Tag: cancer is a cunt

#9 Sharing birthdays

Just got off phone with our surgeon, who for the record is a good cunt. Found out that today is also his birthday so happy birthday to you Dr Peter Yuide 👏👏👏  If anyone ever meets him, please buy him some piss.

He’s happy that my first wife’s recovery is tracking along very nicely and she continues to improve.

Had a spew this morning and also farted.

He thinks the spew was nausea because of the medication but I know her better than him and thinking her spew was probably the result of her fart.

Delivered flowers but no wife to appreciate them.

And your Quote of the Day;

Me: You said the rumour was larger than a tennis ball but what does it actually look like?

Surgeon: To be honest mate, its fucken ugly.

Me: So kinda like my head.

Laughter 🙂

Me: Where the tumour now mate? Like do we get to bring it home to plant in the garden and piss on it?

Surgeon: Nah mate, its in a lab being checked so her medication can be specific to her.

Me: Well today is my birthday mate so your phone call is good news so thank you.

Surgeon: Ha well happy birthday to you mate and its also my birthday too.

Me: Fuck man, you were already a good cunt and having the same birthday as me proves it. I know half a dozen people who share the same birthday as me and every single one of them is a real good cunt mate, so well done and happy birthday to you.

Laughter 

#8 Covid = no visitors

My first wife phoned me this morning (that’s two days in a row now), followed by another entertaining phone call from our favourite surgeon Peter Yuide for an update and few laughs.

Marjana still sounds tired as fuck but heaps better than yesterday. Not so much like a heroin junkie and more like a Woodstock hippie and in our family we dig everything Woodstock.

To hear her talk with a little energy this time was nice.

The surgeon is still very happy with her progress and for your Quote of the Day, parts of our conversation went like this…

Surgeon: she is recovering really well mate but it is major surgery so she will probably stay in hospital until mid next week.

Me: Oh ok, because the boys are really hungry and the house needs a bloody good clean.

Surgeon: Mate, I didn’t change anything else in the operation.

Laughter 

Me: Am I able to visit my cook because she said some people get visitors?

Surgeon: It’s possible but not sure. Will have to check with hospital but just so you know the ones who are getting visitors are the life and death patients who may die.

Me: Oh yeah nah, fuck that then. I aint too keen if that’s a prerequisite.

Laughter 

Surgeon: Things really are coming along nicely mate. Once she passes wind though, then I will be a lot happier.

Me: Fuck mate, careful what ya wish for, man. You don’t know her like I do.

Laughter 

Me: I imagine most of your conversations with spouses of patients aren’t really like ours?

Surgeon: No mate, they are usually very different but I really do enjoy phoning you for these update chats.

Job done 

Marjana messaged me for first time telling me not to worry.

I replied saying I hope she farts in the next day or two and God help the nurses when that comes back to her.

Laughing emojis 🤣

Laughter is good.

Meanwhile, life continues with Dilan’s school rugby team photos and last nights dinner and the breakfast of champions before his rugby game.

Life goes on for those not being operated on.
Dinner that night.

#7 Sick sheila update

Spoke to my first wife this morning when driving Dilan to school.

In all honesty Marjana didn’t sound the flashest. Kinda like a junkie who had just had a shot of heroin and understandably so because she’s obviously on some heavy pain killers.

But it was nice to finally be able to chat with her.

She isn’t checking or replying to messages as yet in case anyone’s wondering.

Half an hour later her surgeon phoned me for his update and our my inevitable piss-take for a laugh.

He’s very happy with how she’s recovering and said she was initially going to be in ICU through till at least Sunday but is now thinking she may be released from custody at ICU as early as tomorrow. Not to come home though, but to go into a normal room I guess.

and here comes you’re quote of the day…

Me: Any idea when she will be able to come home and do some vacuming mate?

Surgeon: Hahaha, yeah she may not be up to that for a while yet, sorry.

Me: And here I am telling everyone you’re a real good cunt and you going and ruin it just like that.

Surgeon: Ok, can’t have that then… maybe we can come to some sort of an agreement where she can slowly return to it.

Anyway, we spoke further and I mentioned about our conversations making my Facebook posts and that someone mentioned it’s probably good for him as a surgeon in a stressful job to laugh about things like this to which he replied that,
* Yes it is
* It’s actually very refreshing
* He enjoys the laughs and piss taking because it doesn’t usually happen.

I think he’s now worked out I’m spastic as fuck.

But the things I do to make sure he is refreshed and jolly so as to give her the best treatment and attention he can.

You’re welcome ljubavi x 😉

And our garden continues to grow quite nice by the way.

First garden
Garden rewards
Infant cauliflower

#6 Ringing for the piss take

I’m now sure when the surgeon phones me to provide updates, his real reason is to listen to me take the piss out of my first wife and have a laugh too.

He phoned again tonight saying Marjana is still in ICU but should hopefully be able to chat tomorrow.

Anyway, he said “She doesn’t appear to have much of a tolerance to drugs because every time she pushes the painkiller button it puts her straight to sleep.”

To which I replied, “For fucks sake, don’t let her near the plonk then, man.”

We laughed together over this sheila we share in different ways, like a couple of ol’ westy slappers looking back on their 80s perm hairdos in high school class photos.

His main update though was that she is understandably still very tired, sore and the tumour he removed was larger than a tennis ball.

She loves her lavender by the way.

My first wife absolutely loves her lavender.
Such a pretty and lovely smelling plant.

#5 Post op surgeon update

Bunch of people asking in messages, phone calls etc so easiest if I post here…

As yet I still haven’t seen my first wife because COVID. Fuck COVID by the way!

What I can say is that the surgeon phoned me again this morning saying,

* He saw Marjana and she was well (considering she just had a major operation of course).

* She is in ICU which is the best place for her for next couple days because she has one on one care.

* He said doing the operation was absolutely the right decision because when he got in to look the tumour was way bigger than looked in the scans and would have caused massive ongoing problems should it not have been removed.

Here comes the quote of the day

* He said “You should be able to chat with her later this afternoon where she where she can listen and respond properly.”

To which I replied… “Fuck man, that’ll be a first.”

Again he laughed like fuck and I think it was about then that this surgeon wondered if in fact I am actually normal