Category: The Cancer Chronicles

Marjana is recovering very nicely at home; almost as if she knows the place and is comfortable there 😉

Kitchen, ta daa stage thanking DMW Cabinets and Shopfits and making my first wife go 😊 and 😪 at the same time ❤

Sleeping, recovering and a few very pleasant visits 🥱

Now she is home, we’ll give updates but less of them and gunna concentrate on getting better 😊

Feeling and looking a lot better and too cunning to fall for my offer to swap sides of the bed. Her clean side without bedside table for my dirty side with bedside table 👏

So much love people 🙏

My first wife is home 😊 and think she was hanging out to effect an escape as was texting me while still at Dilan rugby game asking me how long before we come steal her away 😉

The ol’ girl is looking a bit beat up and worse for wear and talk about take fucken ages to get up the stairs, man. Gunna have to get her doing some hill sprints like pre season training stuff, I reckon.

Looks like she’s lost a bit of weight too and although she reckons that’s not a bad thing, there are probably better ways to go about a weight loss program than having some of ya guts ripped out and not eating bugger all food for a couple weeks.

Anyway so a little highlight of her day was coming home to an almost completed (partial) kitchen redo which couldn’t have happened without the input of some real good cunts.

We have heaps of partial renos being done and Marjana had been nagging for years about redoing the kitchen. Our stove fucked out a couple months ago so it took a priority. She loves nagging by the way. Real bloody good at it too, in case ya wondering!

So how this kitchen thing came about was the Wednesday when the first wife was having her colonoscopy I met Eric Angles, Norman Bull and Gayle Bengston for a coffee. Like all you other good bastards they offered to help in any way possible and our kitchen came up in conversation.

Some of you may know this team from sponsoring our Coffee with a Cop events or from other businesses they have like the magazine Writers Reserve. They live by the motto ‘pay it forward.’

So they shot around to our place, saw our rooted one and came up with a plan. I then had to pick up the first wife, drive her to her appointment, do our appreciative but sad thank you video clip before kicking her out and heading to Ikea to buy a fucking kitchen that she had already drafted a plan of a month earlier.

Squeeze it in our car including a bench top (even though the cook had said not to use an Ikea one) which was later returned. Unpack it at home and spend the next few hours waiting for the surgeons call to say the op went well. It was a really fucken shit time to be honest… Ikea visit AND bowel cancer surgery!

On the Friday the good cunts I mentioned above came around with a handyman mate who owed them a favour, they ripped the old part out and I put the Ikea cabinets together while they did their thing.

From then until the following Wednesday we had shit everywhere as had no storage space, no stove or oven so lived like the ferals we are anyway and survived in a construction zone, often with beer to get us across the line.

Come Wednesday and the team returned with another really good bastard who I wouldn’t mind at all if Dilan married into their family by the way and they also brought a stone bench top that is pretty much identical to another one we have. Forgot to mention that our cool as neighbour who my first wife trusts Sam aka Marty Barrett came over and said ‘Don’t you dare use that ugly as fuck bench top from Ikea’ but in nice words, not my way.

So need to say a massive thank you to Pine4apply Pty Ltd from Cleveland who donated the bench top that saved us heaps of coin. They’re at 4/57 Shore St West, Cleveland – ph 0433667409.

Talking about that, Wednesday also brought Dave Wilson around and both he and his cool as wife Kinita have a family owned cabinet making business in Capalaba called DMW Cabinets and Shopfitting at 9/100 Redland Bay Rd, Capalaba – ph (07) 33903355 and 0422576720.

We owe all these people heaps and although the kitchen is still not finished, this is a major step in the right direction and we’d be fucked without their help right now.

The first wife was blown away big time when she came home to it and said she feels ‘very blessed’ and that ‘these people are just so nice, it makes me cry.’

But anyway team, for those of you still following these posts the main points for today were the fact the cook is home and she has a partial new kitchen as a surprise 😊

Cheers for the wine for Father’s Day Kodi. Fuck, I love wine… and beer.

Quote of the Day:

Driving first wife home from hospital and Dilan is telling her about rugby today.

Marjana: Ah? Eh” Huh?

Me: What did you learn fucken Chinese in that hospital? Sounds like it.

Marjana: Aye? What?

Me: Well they obviously didn’t fix your deafness when in hospital aye 😉

But anyway, it’s nice to have the first wife home even if she is bossy as fuck. She does look a bit rooted but understandably so and onwards and upwards from here.

Cheers

The inevitable explosions have occurred so the final main tick has been achieved.

Having said that, it looks like she’ll probably be in over the weekend as a precautionary matter only.

My first wife asked if I could visit and she was told no. I phoned without knowing she’d already asked and was told I could visit for an hour. Marjana used the term ‘charmer’ but whatever it was, it worked.

She is coming along nicely and her scars are still a distant second to my rugby wounds but not bad for a sheila, I guess.

I took in the freshest of the flowers previously delivered and she loved them. They still smell fresh as too.

Talking about smells, I farted in her room to show her how its done, you know sort of in support and encouragement. If a nurse had walked in I was going to blame the first wife as that would’ve been very easily believed.

It was really nice to see her and she was happy as to have me visit too.

It took me almost the whole hour to read each name of every person that donated to the GoFundMe page but it was a nice moment and still is very heart warming.

I asked if I should stop these updates now or if she wanted to start posting. She told me to keep going as it makes her laugh and brings people together, so looks like I have to continue swearing like a motherfuck.

Me ol’ mate Biggles is still here so I aint gunna be thirsty.

Kodi has gone for 21-year-old fun.

Dilan has been busy as fuck and more about that later.

Spoke to our surgeon again of course and here’s ya Quote of the Day…

Surgeon: Geez mate, I feel like I risk my life every time I go to that Sunnybank hospital.

Me: Yeah, they can’t drive for shit there aye. Probably why they put a hospital there; just in case, aye.

Laughter 

Me: My cook drinks Marlborough Savs like a fish.

Surgeon: Yeah, its a beautiful part of the world. Just a shame about the inhabitants haha.

Me: Yeah, I’ll give ya that one after my Wallabies pisstake yesterday bro.

Laughter 

Benefits of visiting is have photos of her to post, rather than our garden 

Spoke to my first wife couple times today and she’s had better days (fuck man, a week ago every day was better, I guess).

Marjana is feeling tired and waiting on the last tick to come through before she gets to come home and that’s a big fat shit, which is still missing.

I’d offer to cover that for her like I do her speeding tickets but don’t think it’s gunna help much.

Our surgeon just phoned and it doesn’t look like she’ll be coming home tomorrow because of it.

Probably going to do a scan to check the bowel hasn’t twisted or some other funky thing going on 

But like I told her, it’s better she stays in hospital until she comes home with no complications… both her and our sugeon Peter agreed. Brainy cunt aye 

I finally succumbed to the mrs nagging about cleaning the house and had our cool neighbours Sam and Marty Barrett come over… or at least Sam as her cleaning skills are expert level and Dilan, Kodi and I are kinda feral. Happy now wife?

On a postive though (and it’s a fucking massive positive), the oncologist has reported back that the tumours are a variety that should respond well to treatment.

Quote of the Day:

Surgeon: We’ll probably keep her in hospital for a couple days yet mate to run some more tests.

Me: Nah all good mate. Better she’s sorted properly before she comes home and the kitchen will still be here for her whether it’s tomorrow or whenever.

Laughter 

Surgeon: The pathology report has come back on the tumours and the oncologist said they are a weak type.

Me: Oh, so like the Wallabies then?

Surgeon: Hahahaha, actually, I’ll have to give you that one mate.

Laughter 

Thanks for the calls and messages today to both me and the first wife. It really does mean so much and makes a difference.

Even me ol’ mate Biggles came down from Sunny Coast to drink piss with me ‘cos I was thirsty.

Finally, I see Kimberley Winslow GoFundMe page for Marjana has achieved it’s target and once Marjana is back home we will respond accordingly but for now if I could again just say thank you and it’s an absolute massive effort.

Marjana cried today when she saw the amount. It had reached. Each and everyone of you, I consider a good cunt. Once we get through this initial hiccup I look forward to hosting a feed or gathering or something as a show of our appreciation.

#ilovemyfirstwife #thankyouforyoursupport #daybyday

Not wanting to burn bridges so I didn’t push for a second visit today and nor did I speak to my first wife.

Plenty of messages though of which a highlight was a massive fart and when I enquired further lets just say her reply was ‘I told the nurse to run away.’

Think that deserves to make the Quote of the Day.

No doubt she’ll be pissed off at me for sharing that and if she is that’ll mean she’s returning to normal because I tend to piss her off, or at least annoy her quite a lot.

A couple of conversations with our surgeon who touched on a few key points being…

* Marjana is still in ICU but more so for convenience than any other reason. Move to a ward tomorrow.

* She is looking more alive.

* He is very happy with how she is recovering.

* Her bowel movements are returning to functioning mode.

* She should be home by maybe Friday.

* Her infection count has now dropped below some magic number that is crucial to the success of the operation because it means his plumbing skills were tradesman like.

* The pathology results came back from the tumour that I previously offered to piss on and he said that there were actually three tumours and not one, all of which he removed.

* He also spoke with the first wife’s brother Slobo who is a doctor back in the Old Country which was nice of him.

But back in the real world Dilan told me his school shoes are rooted and he needs new ones. I told him that was his ol’ lady’s job but fell victim to the fact she is a bit busy right now, so even went to DFO and bought shoes, for fucks sake.

I also managed to speak with some of the sheilas in our rugby team (player’s ol’ ladies not the actual players) about how to water some of the flowers to keep them alive and with mixed results, think I came away with a win.

Feel free to message Marjana by txt, Facebook, WhatsApp etc and she may or may not reply but no phone calls at this stage as she is still very much in recovery mode.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes, sympathy, empathy and as much as it pains me to say it, for donating either to the GoFundMe page Kimberley set up or in envelopes and shit. People are asking if the can share the GoFundMe page and fuck yes you can. Share and send it wherever you want.

What we are facing isn’t a secret, it’s our new reality and I quite like my first wife when she’s not snoring real loudly, doing her snorting thing or leaving the vacuum cleaner in the way for me to trip over.

But most of all, thank you for your continued love and support.

I had previously met a bunch of her workmates but am now getting to know heaps more and can now say they are a bunch of good cunts after witnessing the cavalry come together and respond how they/you have.

Kodi wrote a little melody that he sent to me for my birthday but also sent to his ol’ lady, hence the kiss at the end. A work in progress but a nice gesture she loved.