Author: woodstockbones

Dilan gets a bird (part three)

Over the next week we all grew to love Guava.

Guava was a very nice bird.

Unfortunately, on the seventh day Guava flew into a ceiling fan.

Also very unfortunately, that ceiling fan was swirling around very fast.

Guava is no longer with us.

Guava died a very quick death.

We were all very sad losing Guava.

Guava was the saddest though.

Guava now lives in a shoe box tomb under a tree in our back yard.

In a moment of grieving weakness we decided to buy Dilan a new bird.

That was a very foolish decision.

The new bird is called Bird.

Bird isn’t like Guava.

Bird is a cunt!

Dilan gets a bird (part two)

The following is a true story.

I was at work and Dilan, then aged 15-years-old and my his mother had just returned home with Dilan’s new pet bird called Guava.

Dilan wasn’t aware I knew we had a new bird and the following is a real life txt conversation between us both.

Me: Take a roast out of the freezer to thaw out please. Maybe a roast chicken. If not a chicken than any sort of bird will do for a feed tonight.

Dilan: OK. Except for my bird.

Me: Huh?

Dilan sends pic…

Me: Is that Toms or in a pet shop?

Dilan: Mine.

Me: No it aint.

Dilan sends pic…

Me: When I left this morning there were no birds in our house. Only a pissing cat.

Dilan: It’s a Pineapple Green Cheek. Haha. Now we have a bird.

Me: You can’t spell properly… correct spelling is ‘now we have dinner.’

Dilan: Haha you wish. But then you owe me $80.

Me: Nah seriously, whose is it and why is it in our house?

Dilan: It’s mine. We got it from the bird expo.

Me: Aye…?

Dilan: It was about $80 with the cage and food.

Me: Liar. You wouldn’t waste your money on that.

Dilan: I’m not lying. And I wasn’t wasting my money.

Me: I didn’t say yes and your Mum wouldn’t say yes.

Dilan: Mum did say yes.

Me: Aye…? Did you cheat her with your dirty little sneak charm aye?

Dilan: Hahaha yeah. She fell for me. Talking about the bird though (sends short grainy video).

Me: Looks like a peri peri feed to me.

Dilan: Nah. Already settled in (Dilan sends pic)

Over the next week, we all came to love Guava.

Dilan gets a bird (part one)

The following is a true story.

Dilan: Can I get a bird, Dad?

Me: Nup.

Dilan: But they are sooo cute, Dad.

Me: I dont give a shit.

Dilan: Pleeeaaase, Dad.

Me: No man. Shut up and leave me alone.

Repeat x 10.

Go to work.

Dilan: Can I get a bird, Mum?

Marjana: Ok.

Come home from work.

Now own bird called Guava.

I may be wrong but think he’s a Green Cheek Conure

#21 Gifts for my first wife

Unlike the vast majority of Gifts for my First Wife, this gift had to be unwrapped and not wrapped before presenting to my first wfie.

Yes, it’s an Ikea kitchen, or at least part of one.

Because it’s from Ikea, after unwrapping it then had to be jigsaw puzzled back together… pure yayness right there, I tell ya.

This gift is from back in October 2016 and once I actually get to put a splashback on this, I can then call it complete.

#20 Gifts for my first wife

Who doesn’t love a good mop right?

Ok, maybe these aren’t the greatest mops out here but one ended up in our house in December 2018.