I pissed on our cat today. Cunt of a thing she is but more about that later.
Three days since last update and nice to know a bunch of you are messaging my first wife to keep updated and a number of whom are asking for more of these updates; I think for entertainment purposes as much as anything.
Marjana is getting better every day and bossy as fuck now. Tell ya what, it’s not easy being a modern day slave to any wife, let alone ya first wife. #JustcallmeKuntaKinte.
Keeping it real, because this rock show ain’t G rated. It’s like a sick and twisted black comedy/documentary with an anticipated happy ending if this writer has anything to say in the script…
But while coaching boys rugby and not home, the first wife’s wound opened up leaking pus and heaps of it. But for some reason she’s got our primo surgeon at her beckoning call and a call to him stopped a minor panic until doting Kunta Kinte slave husband came to dress her wound. It’s now healing again fine.
She eats like a chicken but also chats like one when one of her mates phones or visits. Seriously man and here’s a Quote of the Day to prove it…
Me (replying by txt to our surgeon): Yeah she’s all good bro. Got visitors and talking like a pen full of fucken chickens. She’ll be rooted soon though as will run out of energy 😂
We had a big day on Wednesday visiting our surgeon and lawyers to sign our wills because if ever you need a dose of reality about being mortal, get some cancer in ya because it will do the trick.
Anyway, that was too much for my cleaner for one day as she came back just in time to fill the sink full of spew. For those that have seen Peter Jackson’s first (and greatest) film ever, Bad Taste and can remember the spew bowl they shared at the end… yeah, that! mmm mmm mmm 
😉
But she’s heaps more mobile and like a good tradesman, her spud peeling skills are as good as they ever were, thank fuck. I was really worried there for a while that these finely tuned skill-sets picked up over years would slip off into an abyss.
Some good mates of ours had to put their dog down today 😢Sad times and feeling for you fellas 
Next Quote of the Day is when we were texting about it being a possibility…
Me: If ya do put her down see if ya can get a 2 for 1 deal as considering same for the mrs 😂
We had more food dropped off and as mean as a cook I am, this latest stuff was really bloody tasty and not stuff I tend to cook so thanking you heaps guys.
Had to stop this to take a call from the oncologist secretary sheila to pay a bill from first visit and both she and my first wife laughed like fuck when I thanked her for phoning and for taking so much money off us
Laughter 😂
Another Quote of the Day from when we were at our surgeons on Wednesday…
Surgeon: Well, your climbing a mountain alright Marjana.
Me: Oh, she knows all about mountains. When she was a kid she had to walk barefoot in the snow up a mountain while carrying a goat over her shoulders just to get to school and then walk back home. Up hill both ways too!
Marjana: It was a donkey, actually.
Laughter 😂
First wives love their hair being done by good friends too by the way 
If anyone does come to visit please don’t be offended if you’re asked to wear a mask. We have some. If the first wife gets sick, she’ll be a bit fucked so kinda hoping to minimise the chance of that happening.
So, about the cat. Pudding is her name and for those that have been my FB friends for ages, you’ll be aware of this pissing battle but for my new FB friends (Marjana’s mates) who aren’t aware of it, scroll through older posts to see the unfolding saga.
But my first wife woke me up saying ‘Brendon, Pudding is pissing on your clothes again.’ Jump up and sure enough there she was sprinting away too fast for this beat up old cunt to grab her. I may be beat up and old but I’m be cunning just like a cat. Anyway, I managed to trick her into thinking I’m a real good cunt and didn’t care that she pissed all over my clothes again and grabbed her. Did the ol’ rub her nose into my soaking jeans and threw her outside. It helps that I sleep naked and it was first thing in the morning so was already prepared and gave her a dose of her own medicine. So yeah, I might walk around in public smelling like her piss, but she’s now walking around in public smelling of my piss.
I thought ‘Fuck Yeah! Take that you fucken cat, you!’… and then I saw the look on her face as she was staring at me from outside (see pic) and now I am scared. Very scared! Gulp…
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